Page 26 of On Dancer
“God, no. They’d drum me out of the studio. I’m far too temperamental to teach.” I waved my hand of cards. “You keep having to rescue me from fourth-grader dares. I’m too impulsive.”
“I don’t always see your impulsiveness as a negative.” Rudy studied me, expression entirely too shrewd. “The kiss the other night being a good example.”
“A good example of me getting goaded into something,” I scoffed. Why did he have to mention the kiss? The memory had simmered between us all evening, but as long as neither of us mentioned it, that particular pot was unlikely to boil over. “I let my emotions lead instead of my common sense.”
“Was I unfair there as well?” He gestured at the game we’d abandoned. His tone was laced with a recrimination I knew only too well. “Did I trick you into kissing me?”
“Of course not.” I’d rather be discussing anything else, but I couldn’t have him thinking badly of himself. “If anyone was taken advantage of, it certainly wasn’t me.”
“I was an enthusiastic participant.” He grinned, and I groaned.
“Don’t remind me.”
Rudy’s grin abruptly faded. “Was I that bad of a kisser?”
“God, no.” I shifted on the couch, the mere memory of how very good he’d been making my pulse pound. “If you’d been any better of a kisser, I might have made an even bigger fool of myself.”
“My ego appreciates the compliment, but I wish you’d stop being so hard on yourself.” He patted my thigh, the warmth of his touch a stark contrast to the ice lower on my knee. “I wanted you to kiss me. There’s nothing foolish about that.”
“Yes, but I’m experienced enough to know better than to mess around with a virgin,” I shot back, voice harsh, but aimed at myself, not Rudy.
“This isn’t an Austen novel. You’re not trifling with my innocent feelings.” Rudy rolled his eyes at me. “I have zero expectations of a repeat, let alone anything more, even if we were to kiss again.”
“But you’ve waited this long.” I gave him a stern look. As he kept pointing out, he was an adult. One in possession of deadly dimples. His virginity had to mean something to him, but he merely laughed.
“Almost entirely due to lack of opportunity, not morality or romantic ideals.” He bumped my shoulder, but I didn’t return his smiled. “Honestly, I’d rather just get the first time over with.”
“Don’t say that.” I pursed my lips, jaw set, neck muscles straining.
“Alexander.” Rudy’s voice went soft as if he were addressing a shy puppy. And maybe he was. I certainly felt about that skittish despite his kind tone. “What happened?”
I exhaled hard. We’d been dancing around this topic all evening, and if I were honest, ever since I’d left him in the stairwell. I didn’t blame him for having questions I’d rather not answer. I stared off at his little Christmas tree. It had a crocheted star on top and other assorted miniature ornaments. I couldeasily imagine Rudy decorating it, smiling as he added each one. He was too damn sweet for this world.
“Tale as old as time.” My voice was bitter. I didn’t particularly want to share my story, but maybe I could help him avoid future regret. “It was one of my summer ballet intensives. She was an older, more experienced dancer. I thought our connection meant something. She didn’t.”
“Oh.” Rudy made a sympathetic noise, but I couldn’t bring myself to glance over at him.
“She returned to a previously undisclosed boyfriend in New York. I got over my heartbreak by making a play for a male guest dancer.” I paused, turning my hands over in my lap, memories swamping me. “Imagine my horror when it turned out afterward that he was the boyfriend.”
“I can only imagine.” Rudy took my hand before I could continue twisting my fingers. His tone was much warmer than I deserved. “You unwittingly helped them each cheat on each other?”
“Yes.” I let my head fall back against the couch with a thump, only for Rudy to adjust my pillows as if to save me additional trauma. “And to make matters worse, the sex both times was rather horrible. The first of many lessons in why not to get involved with fellow dancers.” I tried to end on a lighter note, but Rudy squeezed my hand so hard my voice turned thick and choppy. I didn’t at all care for all the feelings his sympathy dredged up. “Anyway, that’s my sad little cautionary tale of not throwing away your first time on the wrong person.”
“They were in the wrong, not you.” Rudy’s voice was unusually firm, almost angry.
“I consented.” I shrugged, not sure what to make of his passionate defense of me.
“Not to the cheating or the heartbreak, and consent is the bare minimum requirement.” Rudy shook his head sadly.
I glanced away again, this time at a poster of a mean-looking orc. “As I said, I should have waited for someone who cared.”
“You’re putting all the blame on yourself.” Rudy craned his neck, putting his face back in my line of vision so he could better lecture me. “Don’t do that.”
My eyes fell to his lips, and I licked my own, anticipating. Pushing all this unwanted emotion into another kiss sounded like the best idea ever, yet my last scrap of decency resisted.
“We can’t…”
“I know.” He moved out of temptation’s range, far stronger than me. “I’m not trying to talk you into anything. That’s the last thing I want to do, especially after what you shared. You are worth far more than you think you are.”
