Page 12 of Unbreakable
And those were the voices that haunted me as we went to bed that night.
FIVE
JEANINE
NOW | NOVEMBER
Going on a targie run with another team wife. I want to state right now that it’s not you and I hate that
Rachel
Well I’m always best but
I’m sure you’ll have fun
Bella satin the Target cart in front of me, Lacey walking alongside me.
“I feel like I should apologize,” I said. “I embarrassed myself at your house.”
Lacey scrunched her brow. “What do you mean? You guys were so cute doing your littleDirty Dancingthing.”
“I don’t think everyone thought it was cute,” I said, replaying my night sitting up worrying about what everyone thought of me at the Halloween party. Walking in on shit-talking when you’re on an edible then doing some ridiculous attention-getting thing with your husband is not a great combination.
She waved a hand. “Pfft. They’re fine. You guys are adorable. Dylan was so sweet with you.”
I grimaced. “He shouldn’t have to be sweet with me. I should have it together.”
Lacey tipped her head to the side, dismissing my anxiety with an “eh” sound. “Well, hey. At least you didn’t have to throw the Halloween party this time.” She pointed at me with a manicured finger and her Starbucks cup. “I get pretty burned out on that stuff, captain to captain.”
My stomach turned, and I didn’t think it was just the coffee making that happen. A longing smile crossed my face. “I miss that. I was really close with a lot of the girls, and I . . . I had a purpose, you know? Beyond raising these kids and being Dylan’s wife. A group of people who understand the good stuff and bad stuff that comes with this life.”
She elbowed me gently. “Hey, our group is the same. Very few of us willingly chose this city, but we’re all finding ways to enjoy it. And if you want purpose, I can give you plenty of things to do. I sometimes think I’m the worst candidate to be the captain’s wife. I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I started dating a hockey player.”
That was an overwhelm I remembered all too well: the induction to a life you never thought would be yours. One day, you’re a cocktail waitress and actor/dancer/singer, and the next, you’re dating a guy who makes large amounts of money to push a piece of frozen rubber around on ice. “You’re too hard on yourself. The Halloween party looked great!”
She rolled her eyes. “Please. I went to Party City, cleared the Halloween shelf, and hoped for the best. You’re welcome to help me anytime. With the charity stuff too.”
Lacey was too nice. My anxiety gremlin told me she was just saying things to make me feel better, but she actually thought I was a hot mess. Still, I had to acknowledge her kindness. Shewas at least making an effort, and beyond Mara, no one else was really reaching out to befriend me.
“Parties and events aside, you’ve made me feel welcome and,” tears threatened to spill, “I really appreciate that. It’s been hard and we weren’t planning on this move.”
Lacey patted my forearm. “We’re lucky to have gotten you guys. We’re glad you’re here. It’s no L.A., but we’ve made a good life here. Are you coming to the game tonight?”
I shook my head, stopping at the kids’ clothes section. “I don’t have a solid sitter figured out yet. We had one of Christine’s nieces who was in town for the weekend watch the kids for the Halloween party. She’s back at college now.”
She leaned in. “Jeanine, why didn’t you say something? Hang on, let me hit up the group chat. Somebody’s bound to have an extra contact.”
The truth was, I didn’t even think to ask. It’s the kind of thing I would have helped new wives with in California, so I should have asked. But I’ve been living in a fog since we moved. Not only was allergy season ridiculous in the Midwest, but I was so out of my element.
And Dylan kept sugarcoating it.
Ever since we got the notice that Ohio wanted him, he went into hype-man mode. I was devastated, and he didn’t like it either. The Princes basically issued him an ultimatum: ship out or hit the open market. Ohio’s offer was solid enough, so he took it.
But I struggled to adjust to our new life, feeling as out of place as a fish out of water.
The flash fantasies were tempting. If I happened to be driving west with all three kids in the car, I’d keep driving until I hit the Pacific Ocean. I’d go off the grid and just work at my family’s vineyard. Throw my phone in the river. Hide out somewherewithout hockey, or husbands who don’t listen, or kids with constant needs who I felt like I was parenting on my own.
I wasn’t, but it felt that way when Dylan was gone for long stretches, or busy with other stuff when he was home.
