Page 21 of Unbreakable
He pressed his lips together. “If you want this baby.”
I stood up from the toilet lid and moved to the sink to wash my hands. “I need some time to think.”
“J, that’s not me judging you if you want an abortion.”
“I know that, Dylan! My problem is if I have this baby, my acting career is basically over. But I don’t even know if I want to keep going with that, or what comes after that, or if I keep waiting tables forever, or if I just give up and move home and take over the winery when my parents are too old to run it or—” I cut myself off with a jagged breath.
Dylan stood and spun me around, waiting for me to look into his eyes. “It’s a lot to handle, Jeanine. No matter what you choose, I’m here with you. Okay? You want to have this baby and not get married? That’s fine. You want to marry me? Great, I want to marry you too. You want an abortion? I’ll be right there with you. Do what’s best for you and what you want, and I’ll back you up. I promise.”
“Dammit, Dylan, what is wrong with you?”
He looked bewildered. “Huh?”
“Why do you always say and do the right thing? When am I going to find out something awful about you?”
He laughed. “I . . . don’t know? I’m just a guy?”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and we fell into an embrace, where he kissed the top of my head. “We’ll figure it out, J.”
TEN
DYLAN
NOW | NOVEMBER
Jeannie
Can you talk to your parents and figure out if they’re coming for Thanksgiving?
K
“Nice, nice, nice, that was a beauty!”I called from the bench.
Dotsenko, or Dottie, huffed next to me and rolled his eyes. “He should be doing that anyway.”
“Doesn’t matter what he’s already done. He’s doing it right now,” I pointed out. “No need to drag out old shit.”
“Let me know what time we’re having snack, teacher.”
His dig at my encouragement was nothing new. Responding with animosity had gotten me nowhere, so I decided to try assuming he’s joking. I shoved Dottie in the shoulder. “Lighten the fuck up.”
He shook my hand off his shoulder. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me, washup.”
“Hey!” Colton chimed in. “Pickles washed up on our shore, so he’s our washup.”
He shot me a wink behind Dottie’s back.
“You playing, or just preaching?” Leroy said.
Even though Leroy and I both came from L.A., he was handling the transition much better than I was. In L.A., I had everything I wanted. Nothing was going right in Ohio. I didn’t even have my number anymore, because Dottie wore my preferred number, 11. Being number 9 was a further reminder of how I didn’t fit.
I was a respected leader with the Princes, the center of the team’s morale. Leroy had always operated as something of a lone wolf. He had a best friend on the team, but he kept everyone else at arm’s length. I couldn’t even expect him to relate to what I was going through. Our personalities were too different. I couldn’t stop thinking of myself as separate from the Rusties, like I was just a visitor and any minute, I’d be back in L.A. kicking it with Chappy and Stelle and hell, even hothead Mikey. I’d never admit it to Jeanine, but I missed my friends.
It was one of many things I couldn’t admit to Jeanine.
I couldn’t admit I was lonely and I didn’t fit in. I couldn't acknowledge my fear that this was all a mistake. I couldn't let her know I saw her struggling, as it might cause her to fall apart. I needed her to stay strong so I could too. I was almost mad at her that she thought she could have the luxury of falling apart. I couldn’t crumble. I’d carried her through our shared pain before.
But this time, I couldn’t carry us both.
