Page 56 of Unbreakable
This was a fresh one. Consider my temper lost. “Are you fucking kidding me, Ma? Do you even hear yourself?”
As if on cue, a plate broke in the dining room, followed by an “uh-oh.” I closed my eyes and sucked in a calming breath, but did not feel any calmer.
Well, I’d done it now. She was stunned to silence.
“I want Mommy,” Bella whimpered.
I want Mommy too.
I’d parented without Jeanine plenty. When she went on girls’ trips or visited her parents in California, it was a cinch. The kids were decently behaved, and other than that time the girls got sick and I had to call in reinforcements, I was perfectly capable of parenting solo.
But there was a difference this time. Conflict was in the air. I didn’t know when Jeannie was coming back. I wanted Jeannie too. I needed her. Even when she wasn’t feeling her best, we were there to prop each other up. A team. But I didn’t know when I’d have my teammate again. I was cracking under the pressure.
I totally fucked up when I yelled at her. I should have been there for her instead of going after her. I should have opened upto her sooner. I never even gave her the chance to be there for me.
With Bella still clinging to me, I got the broom and dustpan out of the closet and headed for the dining room.
“I told you those kids couldn’t set the table,” was all Mom said.
TWENTY-FOUR
JEANINE
NOW | DECEMBER
Rachel
You doing ok?
It’s good to be here. But I feel sick
Can I come see you Saturday? Chappy’s off, so he can watch the kids. We can have a girls’ night
“Say hi to Mama,”Dylan said, pulling Bella in his lap. We were on FaceTime. Dylan looked like he’d been punched in the face multiple times, but I knew it wasn’t a product of hockey. He looked about how he looked the last time we fell apart.
“Hi Bells!” I chirped. “Did you show Daddy around Target today?”
Bella and I had a tradition of going on our Target run after she finished her half-day preschool program on Wednesdays. I’d left Dyl a note of what he’d need. I really did take care that he wouldn’t have an awful time without me. I didn’t want to be cruel—I just wanted to be seen.
“Yeah. He filled up the cart, Mommy.”
I laughed. “Is that true, Daddy?”
His smile indicated he wasn’t all that pleased with it. “I did okay.”
“Mommy, will you be back for my art show?”
Dylan’s face went slack, a shell of a human looking back at me. “I’m going to do my best, sweetheart. Are you being good for Daddy?”
Dylan kissed her cheek and her fat, squishy cheek pressed in. I missed those squishy cheeks so deeply in that moment. “She’s still a stinker,” he joked, sending her into giggles.
Alice and Grey both got on, showing me what they made at school, and then it was time for all of them to go to bed.
“I miss you guys,” I said, my heart aching looking at the four of them. “So much.”
“We miss you, Mommy,” Dylan said, his eyes looking so earnest. “I miss you. Can we talk later?”
I winced. “Andy and Kathy are coming over for dinner later. I don’t know how late they’ll stay.”
