Page 62 of Unbreakable
Dylan’s expression turned concerned. “What happened?”
“Dylan, I screwed up.” Tears spilled out of me that I knew I didn’t deserve. I was the one who screwed up, and boohooing about it wasn’t fair to Dylan. But I couldn’t find my breath, continually sucking it in between gut-wrenching sobs.
“Slow down, baby.” Dylan held my upper arms, trying to get me to meet his eyes. “It’s okay. I’m sure whatever it is, it’s fine.”
“It was so weird, Dylan. I was so confused.” I gasped for air between crying jags. “I was just hurting so bad and he asked if we got married because of the baby.”
“J, who is he? Your dad?”
I shook my head. “Andy. My brother’s friend. My ex,” more gasps, “Hang on. I think I’m going to get sick.”
I ran for the bathroom, crying so hard I’d worked myself into a dry-heaving spell. My eyes were so puffy they were almost shut of their own accord.
Dylan leaned in the bathroom doorway with a furrowed brow. His voice was low and stern. “Jeanine, did you cheat on me?”
I looked up at him from the bathroom floor. “I don’t know. I-I told him we lost the baby and that your mom said we should break up and you didn’t disagree with her, and he said we should too. He was just so sure about it, like it was so logical and I thought maybe I was the stupid one. I’ve just been so confused, Dyl, and I’m so sad, and I’m still mad at you, and?—”
His jaw flexed, then clenched. “You cheated on me.”
“No, I didn’t. I mean, he almost kissed me before I turned away.” I breathed out a silent sob, squeezing my burning, swollen eyes shut.
“That motherfucker,” Dylan bit out. “He was at our wedding, right? The skinny dude?”
“Yeah, he was there. That’s him.”
Dylan shook his head, getting increasingly agitated. “He took advantage of you, Jeanine!”
That wasn’t the direction I was expecting. “W-what?”
“You were upset, and he used the opportunity to pounce.” He ripped his keys out of his pocket, turning like he was going for the front door.
“I told him to leave. But I shouldn’t have let it get that far. And the worst part is, I’m still so confused.”
That stopped Dylan in his tracks. He pushed a shaky breath through a small O in his lips. “How are you confused?” His voice was flat, dead inside.
I sighed, sitting against the wall next to the toilet. “This has all been so fast, Dyl.”
His eyes fixed on mine, lifeless. “You don’t know whether you want me.”
“Dylan, I’m so sorry.”
He nodded, licking his lips. “Is this why you go to Temecula? Him?”
“No. Not at all. I went for my parents, and I ran into him and we started talking. I’m still just so lost, Dylan. I want to go back to normal, but my whole life got upended by . . . by us. There is no normal now.”
“You know what sucks the most about this, Jeanine?” Dylan’s hands went wide, then he put them on his hips, pitching forward like he was out of breath. “When my mom questioned us staying together, I didn’t have any doubt that I wanted you. That’s why I didn’t argue with her. It was ludicrous. Unthinkable. I thought we were on the same page. Because it doesn’t matter to me what anyone outside of you and me thinks. So what if we met six months ago? I love you, Jeanine. I fucking love you andyou aren’t sure about me. And that’s—” he put a hand to his forehead, “fine. It’s fine. You don’t have to love me.”
“I love you, Dylan. I do.”
“You’re just not sure you want to be with me.”
I sniffed, holding back a fresh round of tears. “Every day is so hard, Dylan. I don’t even have anything big to do, and it’s like lifting a five-hundred-pound weight off me to get out of bed. It’s hard for me to want to do anything because I just feel like . . . a burden. Like everyone thinks we’re crazy and it’s all my fault. I want to want this, Dylan. I want to be in this, but I’m barely hanging on. I’m just weighing you down and everyone knows it. You’d be better without me.”
Dylan’s lips popped open and his eyes softened. He approached, lowering to the floor with me. He crossed his ankles in his lap and pulled me sideways across him. His arms enveloped me and his head tucked to my shoulder. His hand brushed over my hair and he kissed the side of my face. “You are not a burden, Jeanine.”
“Then why won’t you fight for me?” I blinked hard. “I mean, I get it. I’ve got issues. My brain goes haywire when I get sad. So you’d be better without me dragging you down.”
Dylan’s amber eyes met mine. “I should have stuck up for you, Jeanine. But I think what I want . . . I want to be loved despite my issues too. And maybe my issue is trying to make everybody happy, including my mom. Nobody’s ever stuck up for me. I’m always so worried about everybody else.”
