Page 84 of Unbreakable
Jeannie softened, her eyes rounding. “Thank you.”
“Mom!” came the shout again. I kissed her quickly and left, shutting our bedroom door behind me.
THIRTY-FOUR
JEANINE
NOW | DECEMBER
Rachel
(pic from school pageant)
Aw tell Greta I’m so proud of her. Love the costume
I wokeup disoriented from my nap, an amazingly delicious smell floating on the air. The smell reminded me of California.
I took a sip of the wine Dylan put on the nightstand and tried one of the appetizer bites. Not bad.
I sauntered into the kitchen, finding him concentrating at the stove. “Smells good,” I said.
He looked up with a grin. “You’re up! How was your nap?”
“Needed,” I said, kissing his cheek and holding him from behind. “Thank you.”
He gave the pan’s contents another toss, then turned to face me. “All you have to do is ask, and I’ll help you out. Whatever you need, J.”
And there came the dark feelings again.
“What?” He looked genuinely confused.
I rubbed my forehead. “I’m just frustrated.”
“Tell me.”
I sucked in a breath. “I’m tired of having to tell you what I need. I just want you to jump in and help. If you regularly helped, you’d know how to help. If you paid attention, you’d know that Bella swallows snot and pukes every time she gets a cold. I know you’re trying to learn, and we need to talk to each other more about what we need, but it’s also frustrating that I even have to teach you. It’s another task.”
He stared at his toes. “I feel like I do help when I’m home.”
I closed my eyes. “You’re right. You do. But sometimes I wish you’d just . . . want to spend time with me. I could clean later.”
Dylan screwed up his face. “Which is it, Jeannie? You want me to help, or you want me to hang out with you?”
I clamped my jaw to keep from crying. “Forget it. You’re right.”
He put a gentle hand on my upper arm. “Help me understand,” he said, lowering his face to meet my eyes. “I want things to be better. I can do a lot of things, but I can’t guess what you want.”
Those soft brown eyes with the pinched brows and the concern painted all over his face melted me. A tear slipped out of my eye. “I want it to not be so hard. I know what I’m saying doesn’t make a lot of sense, and I wish I could make my brain work better.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“Every day, everything feels like I’m running through Jell-O. It’s like lead runs through my veins instead of blood. And raising the kids is harder here than I thought it would be. Then you add in our new city without my friends, and you being gone all the time, and my parents aren’t a few hours away anymore, and—” I drew a choppy breath, “I just want to lay my head in your lapsometimes and have you cuddle me and remind me that I was once a human that existed outside all of this.”
Dylan pulled me into his chest, locking his arms around me as I cried. He cupped the back of my head and kissed my hair, then my forehead. He pushed me back. “I’m here for whatever you need. Whatever I can do. And know that I’m willing to work on my part here.”
I paused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if we need to go to therapy together, I’m down for that.”
