a beginning?
 
 I wish I could feel. Or maybe
 
 not. If I could, I would feel loss.
 
 Hunter. Mom. Jake. Leigh. Even
 
 Scott, who has always been there
 
 for me.
 
 They say meth affects the brain.
 
 Destroys the pleasure center.
 
 Could it smash the pain center too?
 
 Would feeling pain be better than
 
 feeling numb?
 
 Homeless
 
 Out of Nevada, we touch down
 
 in California. Unsure of where to go
 
 from here, we decide we need food.
 
 McD’s okay? We should
 
 probably eat cheap for a while.
 
 We’re on a downswing.
 
 Sleepy. Hungry. Empty. “Cheap
 
 is good, as long as there’s a lot of it.”
 
 Ronald would be proud.
 
 Big Macs and fries, times two?
 
 “Times two, twice.” Fuck it.
 
 I can invest a few calories. Not
 
 like I’ve eaten a whole lot lately.
 
 Okay. But you know I’m not
 
 real fond of Two-Ton-Tessies.
 
 “Love me fat, love me skinny.
 
 Just keep loving me. Hey,
 
 sounds like a song. Love me—”