crashing into your skull and vibrating
 
 inside your brain. Imagine trying to hold
 
 him against breasts hard as boulders
 
 from all the milk left to ferment inside
 
 and finally—blessedly—dry up completely,
 
 leaving your boobs a whole cup size
 
 smaller than before you got pregnant.
 
 Imagine, when the idea of food
 
 makes you want to retch, trying
 
 to deal with mostly-digested
 
 baby formula, big green glops,
 
 smeared on a butt (even if it is a pretty
 
 cute baby butt), all yours to clean.
 
 Imagine trying to play This Little Piggy
 
 when what you really want is to hook up
 
 with a guy for a great night of smoking
 
 and “touch me right there, please.”
 
 Yeah, yeah, I know that—and exactly
 
 that—is what got me into this predicament
 
 to begin with. So no lectures. But hey,
 
 if there’s a cute, available guy out there,
 
 please, someone, please point him
 
 in my direction.
 
 The Garage Calls
 
 My car is purring like a kitten
 
 and wants to come home.
 
 “So what’s the total?”
 
 Fifteen hundred eighty
 
 big ones. Will that be
 
 cash, check, or charge?