Page 22 of Bayside Heat
“Damn it, Serena. Can we just fucking talk without you bolting?”
“Fine!” she shouted. “You’ve got two minutes.” Before I start crying.
“You are my best friend, my partner in crime. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.”
She squared her shoulders as a tear slipped down her cheek. She swiped at it and said, “Here’s a fun fact for you. You failed. Epically.”
He shifted his eyes away, gritting his teeth, and when he looked at her again, the raw torment in his gaze cut straight to her heart.
“I’m truly sorry, Serena,” he said in a softer tone. He lifted his hand as if he was going to reach for her. He must have thought better of it, because he pulled it back and said, “Don’t let my stupidity ruin our relationship.”
“Friendship,” she clarified. “Why did you do it? Do you have any idea what kind of slap in the face it was for you to do that to me for a second time?”
“I wasn’t thinking. No, that’s a lie.” His voice escalated. “All I ever do is think about you. Why do you think I didn’t kiss you when we were teenagers?”
“Because you wanted faster, hotter, older girls,” she said without hesitation.
He scoffed. “Seriously? No. Wrong. Because I was about to go off to college, and you were just starting to…You were only…” He turned away and ground out, “Fuck.”
“Only…?”
“Fourteen or fifteen,” he said angrily. “I know it sounds like I wanted older girls, but it wasn’t just our age difference. It was everything. I was going to college, and you were on the cusp of figuring out who you were as a person. I didn’t want to take those experiences away from you for what could have only ended badly. You’d have wanted a guy who was there for you, for Friday nights, parties. Prom. And I was a stupid kid going off to college. I would have hurt you without trying. Gotten drunk, made a mistake. Everyone that age fucks up, and I couldn’t do that to you.”
“You’re saying you did it to protect me?” She needn’t have asked, because she knew it was true. That’s who he was and how he did things, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
“And maybe protect myself?” he said with so much honesty, it hurt to hear. “Our lives were about to move in totally different directions.”
Realization dawned on her. “Like now?” She tried to swallow past the emotions thickening her throat, but it was like trying to choke down a golf ball.
“Of course like now,” he seethed. “Our timing sucks. When you started working here, we were finally both adults, on equal ground, only we weren’t. I had achieved what I wanted, and you were right there for me, by my side, helping me. But you rightfully made it clear that you were only here temporarily. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me because of that? Not that I’m complaining, because I don’t hold any of this against you in any way, but you need to know it wasn’t easy working beside you, having everything I wanted except the part of you that would have made us real.”
She could barely breathe, afraid to trust her ability to decipher his words.
“But you were biding your time before moving on to bigger, better things, as you should have been,” he clarified. “I want you to succeed. I want your dreams to come true and for you to know that all your efforts to parent yourself, to work your fingers to the bone for a prom dress, school books, and tuition weren’t for nothing.”
He paced in front of the window, the truth burning like acid.
“I have feelings for you, Serena. You must have known that,” he finally said. “But I’ll never be the kind of selfish man who puts you in a position to choose between work and a relationship. You struggled, working your ass off your whole life for this type of opportunity. If we had kissed, there would be no holding back for me, and you’d be left wondering what if you had stayed in a job you didn’t really want. And then you’d regret it and probably resent me. The worst thing I can imagine is seeing that in your eyes day after day, knowing I had the power to change it and was too selfish to do so.”
