Page 33 of Bad Boys After Dark - Brett
He raked his hand through his hair and paced. His chest expanded with his quick inhalations, and she knew she’d affected him, but how she wasn’t sure. Was he upset that she wouldn’t be his booty call, or…?
He planted his feet on the floor and crossed his arms. The anguish simmering in his eyes made her heart hurt.
“Soph, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I mean, it’s not like you led me on, or planned any of this.”
“I don’t plan. Ever,” he said almost angrily. “I didn’t plan to see you every day, or to follow you to the park, or come over this morning. Fuck, Soph. I didn’t plan on showing up here tonight. But I can’t stop. It’s like I’ve got an insatiable appetite for you.”
“For sex,” she said flatly.
“No.” He stepped closer, shaking his head. “Yes, for sex with you. Being close to you is beyond amazing, and your incredible kisses completely wreck me. But it’s more than that, Sophie. I want to be with you for so many reasons. For your smile, your laugh.” He slid a hand to the nape of her neck, drawing her closer. “For the way you do that thing with your tongue that drives me out of my mind when you’ve got your mouth on me.”
She felt herself blush. “Brett, don’t lead me on.”
“And for that. Definitely for that. You take what you want, but you demand what you need.” His gaze moved slowly over her face, and pain shone in his eyes as he disarmed her one word at a time. “I can’t be your great love story, Soph. I’m not wired for that, and I wouldn’t know how to be that guy. I’ve got too many demons. I’m too restless, and I’m not a call-and-check-in type of guy. But I won’t walk away from you. It feels too right when we’re together, and not just when we’re having sex.” He paused, his chin dipping for a beat before he met her gaze again. “I’m too selfish to let you go. That’s a shitty thing to say, but I promised I’d never lie to you. The real question is, can you walk away from me?”
“You…I…” Her thoughts spun with his confusing confession. “I just promised myself I wouldn’t be your booty call.”
“Then don’t,” he demanded. “You’re not. I don’t see you as that.”
“I love being with you,” she said honestly. “We have fun. You make me laugh and feel so good.”
“Me too.”
“But I hate feeling like an afterthought. It wipes all that goodness away and makes me feel awful.”
“You’re not an afterthought. You’re on my mind every second. I just don’t know what to do with that.”
He said it with such vehemence, she wanted to shake him and rattle his insides until the pieces fell back together in a way that made sense, or made things easier.
“I don’t know what you’re asking of me,” she said honestly.
“I’m asking you not to end this, whatever it is.” He brushed his lips over hers and said, “Don’t tell me to leave, Sophie.”
She pressed her hands to his chest, keeping space between them, and at the same time, she curled her fingers into his shirt so he couldn’t retreat. “You’ll hurt me.”
“No. Never on purpose. I’ll make every effort not to.”
She stared at his chest to keep from getting lost in his eyes. “You’re asking me to be okay with sharing you? To be okay with no commitment?”
“Not sharing. I can’t even look at another woman without comparing them to you. You’ve gotten so far under my skin, I feel your kisses when we’re miles apart.”
She tried to blink away her confusion, but it clung to her like a disease. “Then why can’t you commit?”
“Because then I’ll be sure to fuck us up. It’s how I am Sophie. If I feel trapped, I run. I fight. I don’t want to do that to you.”
“But…” She looked into his eyes and saw that he was just as confused as she was. “You’re asking for a commitment without the commitment?”
He lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, a small smile curving his lips. “I guess so. I like you, Sophie. I more than like you. But I’m not like my brothers. I can’t just switch off the shit that goes on in my head. And I can’t switch off my feelings for you, either. You don’t have to answer now. Come with me tonight. Let’s go see the show, have a few laughs. No expectations of sex later. I just want to be with you and to stop feeling so fucking lost when I’m not.”
