Page 41 of Tru Blue
Chapter Thirteen
“GEMMA?” TRUMAN SAID in a husky whisper, losing his grip on the metal box and catching it before it dropped to the deck.
Gemma had gone over this moment in her head so many times she thought she had her emotions under control, but nothing could have prepared her for the pulsing knot clogging her throat, or the currents of heat drawing her closer to him. She lifted the baby gym she’d brought from the boutique. Her excuse to come over. A lame one, but it had gotten her there. Weak-kneed and more nervous than she’d ever been, but there nonetheless.
“I. Um.” Needed to see you. “I brought this for Lincoln.”
He looked at the baby toy, his brows knitted, disappointment weighing down his features. He set the box down, then pulled the door closed behind him. Ignoring the toy, he stepped closer, like he couldn’t stand the distance between them either. Like nothing mattered but closing the gap.
“Gemma,” he whispered. His blue eyes were warm and grateful and so full of longing she could feel it wrapping around her and carrying her another step forward. “I’ve missed you.”
He lifted his hand, as if he was going to touch her cheek, and she sucked in a sharp breath, the familiar buzz of electricity searing through her. When he lowered his hand without touching her, she wanted to kick herself for that breath.
“I…” She set the baby toy down on the deck. “Can we talk?”
He nodded, waving to the sofa they’d been sitting on when he’d revealed his past to her. Her heart raced as he sat beside her. She didn’t know where to start or what to say. She had so many questions, but now that she was here with him, all those questions seemed to have taken flight, pushed away by the desire to be in his arms again. She wasn’t afraid of him, not one little bit. She’d seen too much of who he was before knowing the truth of his past to change all that goodness into malice.
She blinked several times, trying to clear her mind, but the way he was looking at her, like he needed her just as badly as she needed him, wanted her just as desperately as she wanted him, shattered her thoughts.
It turned out she didn’t need to think. The truth spilled out. “I can’t stop thinking about you and the kids.”
A half smile lifted his lips, tugging at her heart.
“I have so many questions, but they seem rude or selfish, like how you moved on afterward and what it feels like to have done what you did. But that’s morbid curiosity, because of course you were devastated and horrified. You told me as much the other night. I just…I’m still putting it all together.” Her words came so fast she couldn’t stop them. “I never imagined myself getting involved with someone who had been in prison or had done what you did. But I doubt you imagined your life turning out the way it has either.”
She lifted one shoulder and said, “But I don’t want to walk away because you tried to protect your family. I’ve seen you with the babies, and I’ve spent enough time with you to know you’re not violent. But I need to understand it. All of it, until you’re sick of explaining. I won’t blame you if you get fed up with my questions, because you know how I can be.”
“It’s natural to want to know, and I like how you are, so don’t worry. I won’t get sick of explaining. We’re past that. I was afraid to tell you, but now that I have, I’ll answer whatever you want or need to know.” He paused long enough to try to gather his thoughts. “You asked about how I moved on. Every morning I wake up and see that scene—my mother, my brother, the blood, that rapist. And I have to consciously remind myself how it happened, because it doesn’t feel like I’m the one who actually did it. I’m not a violent person, despite my incarceration. Once I remember the scene, moving on starts to happen. I can’t explain it, but there’s no choice. I just keep going, and the remorse never goes away, even though he was raping my mother. I wish…I wish things had been different.”
She pressed her finger to his lips, the emotion in his voice too raw to listen to anymore. “I don’t want to make you relive it. I want you to know, I’m not afraid of you. But I may have more questions over time, and I have to know you’ll be okay with that.”
