Page 36 of You’re Mine

“Haley?” My ex’s voice takes me out of my state. I must have zoned out remembering the past.

“Sorry, I was just thinking.” Jace nods, and I swallow again. “It’s not easy for me to talk about that stuff. But maybe it’s time I told someone.” I take a deep breath. “You know that Herb has always been aggressive. He was always the big man about town, and he had to have his way, whether it was outside the home or inside the manor. He liked to keep my mother and me submissive, and so the house was kept dark because he was punishing us. He thought the dark would frighten me, and he was right at first.”

I take another deep breath before continuing.

“But it didn’t work because I got used to it. When I gave birth to Jamie, Herb was enraged, and that’s when the lights stayed off 24/7. The only illumination we had for a while was daylight, but your son and I adapted. We woke at the crack of dawn, and slept when it grew dark. It’s not a bad life, and both Jamie and I are used to living like that.”

Jace frowns, a deep flush going up his neck.

“What the hell? So he’s kept you a prisoner for the last seven years?”

I shrug helplessly.

“A little bit, yes. We depended on Herb. There were no locked doors, and I suppose we could have escaped at any time. But where would I have gone? I had no money, and only a high school education. Who would have helped me?”

“You could have gone to the family shelter,” Jace adds darkly. “Or the police station.”

I shrug.

“Herb’s best friends with Commissioner Stevens. They never would have believed me. And you know how the shelter is – people are raped and beaten, and possessions are stolen. I couldn’t subject Jamie, who was only a baby, to that kind of environment.”

Jace looks like he’s ready to blow his top off, but he has to hear this story. Plus, speaking like this makes me feel good, like the steam from a pressure cooker is finally being relieved. It was so obvious to me that Herb was a monster under his put-together exterior, and the fact that no one else could see it was completely baffling. Not to mention the shame. We were the perfect family on the outside, but inside? It was a pile of maggots.

But once Jamie was born, I stopped caring about all those reasons because I just wanted to get out for my son. I could endure multiple hardships, but Jamie? He was a different story.

I nod, continuing.

“The house wasn’t exactly on lockdown, but Herb trafficked in fear and intimidation, and that meant keeping the lights off and preventing us from going out. You know how hardly anyone ever comes by, and how the servants are loyal to him. Plus,” I add, taking a deep breath. “Everything changed because of Jamie. Herb didn’t just have the ability to hurt me, but also my son. If I failed in some way, I wouldn’t be the only one getting in trouble, so I tried to keep him happy. There was no complaining, no whining, and I’d do whatever he said so long as he left Jamie alone.”

Jace looks ready to explode.

“Did he ever hit you?”

Tears prick my eyes. It’s the million dollar question, and I’ve never told anyone because of the shame. The only people who knew for sure are the ones who lived with him, and we were all too scared to say anything. My mother, me, and everyone who worked in the household – Herb found our weak points and exploited them.

I take a deep breath.

“Yes, he did,” is my quiet reply.

“How long?” he demands. I shrug.

“I don’t know, it was a long time. And it wasn’t just me. He hit my mom too, and I think that’s why Irene is the way she is. She didn’t know what else to do, so shutting down became her method of dealing with things.”

“Did he hit Jamie?” Jace demands, his face going a dark red. I shake my head.

“No, never. I can promise you that. I managed to keep Herb away from Jamie by giving him everything he wanted. If he was angry, or just wanted to show his dominance over us, he took it out on me. Your son was never hurt.”

“Fuck!” Jace rages. “I’m going to kill that motherfucker. He is fucking toast!”

I hold up my hands.

“Not now, Jace. We just need to find peace first. Your son and I lived years in his household, and you’ve rescued us. That’s enough for now.”

Jace drops his head into his hands, his voice anguished.

“I should have known. The signs were there, and now that I think about it, it’s hard not to miss. I thought he was just super strict or… I don’t know. I should have known,” he says in an agonized voice. I want to go to him and to hold his hands in mine, to press into his body, but it seems too early.

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