Page 33 of Flirting With Disaster

“Well, neither can you.”

Fifteen

“It is strange to be known so universally

and yet to be so lonely.”

Albert Einstein

He pitied her.

He’d tolerated her and slept with her out of pity for killing her parents. A consolation prize for her troubles.

Jude ambled along the top floor hallway, ancient portraits of people important to the castle’s history, staring at her from every angle. She’d never been here before, but had been told the maids’ quarters were on this floor.

She needed to return Nola’s dress and get back to her small apartment in New York. To figure out what she should do with the rest of her life.

Loneliness weighed heavy on her heart. It had been nothing but her work for so long. No real friends, no family…

Loving someone and being betrayed forged a desolation like no other. Yes, Evan had betrayed her, but she’d never really loved him. She’d never been loved by him, either. That was the difference. Losing the soul-deep comfort of being fully accepted for who she was by Beckette, was like having every vein pulled from her body, one by one. A loss so great, she was afraid she’d bleed to death without anyone even noticing.

She ran her hand over the old canvases, the rigid strokes rough under her fingertips. Such history, so many mysteries and lives come and gone.

Would she ever leave a mark on this world in any way? Would anyone remember her and carry on her heart?

A cold draft blew across Jude’s shoulders, and she shivered. It didn’t matter that Beckette had been the pilot when her parents’ plane had gone down. He’d been a kid. Made a tremendous mistake.

That was in the past.

Hiding his identity from her… It was laughable. Using her to assuage his guilt, hiding behind his acting career to run from his past and his addiction. That was sad. She knew what it was like to use work as a way to avoid the difficulties of life and relationships. She was guilty of that herself.

But then Beck had taken things to a whole new level. He’d included her failures in his debauchery, had enchanted her, then drained her joy like a vampire, just to save his career.

She could never go back. Love at first sight? Ridiculous.

Another cold breeze gusted through the dark hallway. Jude glanced around for an open window, but found none. The smell of lavender floated in the air as she peered down the hall toward an open door and lighted room.

“Jude!”

She jumped. She didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to talk or hear his explanations and apologies. She was tired and just wanted to catch the next train home to safety.

She turned to face him, his appearance as beautiful and haunted as ever.

“Did you have to pity me?” She crossed her arms and breathed deep to hold back her tears. She had so many emotions, so many issues with this whole mess, she didn’t know where to start. But she wasn’t a coward when it came to speaking her mind. “Did you really think having sex with me would make me feel better? Did you do it so you could get on the Harry Strubel Show and further your career?”

His brows lowered in a confused frown. “What do you mean?”

“The sex, the charming man, the friend who took me out of all my comfort zones and showed me how to be…me. How to not be afraid of trying new things. Did you do all that because you thought you owed me something for killing my parents?” She sighed. “My parent’s deaths were a long time ago, Beck. An accident. You were an immature kid. It was nothing you did purposefully. Not like what you did tonight.”

He ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “You’re upset.”

“You’re damned right, I’m upset. You’re a coward. A slithering coward.”

“Me?”

She huffed. “At least I’m not afraid to take a shot at love. To be open and honest about my flaws. Tragedy happens, Beck. That doesn’t mean people should stop living. Quit playing the victim.”

His eyes opened wide, and he scoffed. “I’m just being smart, here. Somebody has to be logical.”

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