As we eat, laughing and bantering with each other, Leif is still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Finally, Leif loses his nerve. “So, was the food… is it poisoned? Do I need to worry about my well-being?” He’s grinning, but the seed of worry is eating away at him.
“It’s not fun to be scared of an unfamiliar person’s intentions, is it? Do you feel crazy, paranoid, ready to run for help, Leif?” I lock my gaze on his.
Chewing her steak, Aisha adds, “Do you want to grab a knife on the way out too? I can give you mine.”
Leif instantly turns red, then realizes he’s just been served a lesson with a sauce of hard truth.
“All right, I’ll admit that I have been an idiot. I should have told you straight away who I was. Honestly, I meant no harm. Can make it up to you somehow?”
I smile, not knowing how to take his crazy personality, and nod in agreement because I want Logan to have his siblings around.
“How about dessert, want some?” I ask, not waiting for anyone’s answer. I need to get a grip on my hungry thoughts for an entirely different dessert I desire.
As if knowing, Logan leans in and whispers, “You just need to ask, and I will make your wish come true.” His breath tickles my ear with a teasing air, making me shiver.
I stuff my face with double chocolate cheesecake instead and try to pull my thoughts together, to trick my dirty mind into thinking that I desire the cake more than the delicious man sitting next to me.
“This is amazingly good. You are honestly a wonderful cook, Cassandra. No wonder Logan doesn’t want to go back to America.” Leif tries to butter me up with a compliment that somehow turns into an accusation directed towards Logan.
As the atmosphere transforms again into a charged pressure cooker, we leave them to have a venting out session in private, with their beer and dessert for consolation.
“Wow, I feel better knowing that we’re not the only ones with family issues.”
“These ones have it because of me,” I remind her, feeling a heavy mass settle on my shoulders.
“Well, he chewed your nerves. Now it’s Logan’s turn, I guess.” I doubt she’s far from the truth.
The brothers are fighting to stay in each other’s lives. Life sometimes spins us too fast and scatters us around, leaving us torn apart from one another. Finally, after so long, I’m starting to feel like my sisters are proving to be my fierce protectors.
I need our little ones to see such a tight bond between siblings, and how they’re capable of bouncing back, even from the worst things thrown their way. But for now, I am an obstacle in Logan’s and Leif’s relationship, and it makes me depressed. I still hold so much fear of uncertainty about the power this family might hold.
Later, we move into the living room to chat. The monitor announces that twins are awake, and Aisha excitedly runs to their playroom, using funny voices to make them laugh. Leon is not having it, and Liane is following suit. We change the two chaos bringers into dry nappies, wash their faces, and redress them.
Logan kneels in front of me, providing me with additional pillows for back support. I unbutton my top and Logan freezes. Liane’s already searching with her mouth for the nipple, distracting me. As she latches on, I hear Leif’s voice.
“That is incredible. The girl looks so happy and calm as she suckles,” he utters in wonder as Logan groans, unhappy. Astonished, Leif leans in to kiss her fluffy head.
Hungry, Leon starts shrieking since he is starving too. “Hey, can I hold him, please? He seemed to like me before.”
Leif cuddles with Leon while dancing from side to side, amusing him for now. I turn my eyes to see Logan with a possessive expression on his face, not liking that I so openly breastfeed our daughter.
He’s nuts to think I’ll hide the most beautiful thing in the world. I’m not talking about my boobs, in case you’re wondering.
Drowning in Pain
The next morning, I make myself a cup of coffee as I decide to go to the lake with the kids. Logan comes downstairs looking for us, in a disheveled state.
Why does this man have to be such a good looking one? Can’t he be less appealing to my senses?
“Hey…” I start, but something distracts him before he reaches me, and he leaves again. Ok then.
Well, I should get moving, to get few hours of my meditation. Since big wheels make it easier to get around, I push the stroller to the lake. As I place the twins further away from the water, I find my meditation spot. Quickly, I get lost in the view it reflects, and so do my babies. The tranquil atmosphere lulls them to sleep instantly.
My heart, suspended in some sort of time warp, starts to beat backward as my eyes become the woman I once was.
Sandra’s sitting with Ethan under the tree, trying to breastfeed him. The boy gets upset and begins crying. With his carefree attitude, Nate darts over to them, his long hair whipping around in front of his blue eyes. Nate kneels on the blanket and starts talking to his little baby brother in a funny voice. Ethan listens and tracks his brother’s every movement.