Page 19 of In Too Deep

Izzy rested her chin on Kris’ shoulder and said, “Are you ready to find yourself, cutie pie?”

Kris looked back into her roommate’s blue eyes.

Absolutely, she thought. With your help, absolutely.

CHAPTER THREE

It hadn’t been a lie when Kris told Izzy she was ready to find herself. To know herself and to be comfortable and free in her own skin were the things Kris wanted most in the world, and Izzy was the perfect guide to lead her on that journey.

As the first months of their freshman year passed the two girls became best friends. With Kris majoring in psychology and Izzy in graphic design they didn’t have any classes together, but every free second they had was spent together.

One of Kris’ favorite things to do was looking through Izzy’s sketch pads. Kris, who didn’t have an artistic bone in her body, was completely awed by Izzy’s talent. Everything she drew was raw, dark and a little disturbing, but Kris loved it.

One day, while she was looking through some of Izzy’s old drawings, a picture fell from between the pad’s pages. The picture fell, face down to the floor. As she bent over to pick it up curiosity got the better of her and she flipped it over see what it was.

In the picture, Izzy—whose hair was bright blue—had her arms around a girl with ink black hair. Her beautiful blue eyes were staring right at the camera as the other girl kissed the corner of her smiling lips.

A surge of red hot jealousy filled Kris. She couldn’t explain why, but she didn’t like anyone kissing her Izzy.

“You’re too quiet. Everything is okay?” Izzy asked, peeling her eyes from the computer screen to look at Kris.

Kris swallowed the dry lump her insane jealousy put in her throat and offered her roommate a pathetic looking smile. “Fine. This fell off.” She ordered her hands not to shake as she handed the picture to Izzy.

Izzy scanned the picture for a second, and then fixed her gaze on Kris. “That’s my ex, Rachel. I thought I got rid of all our pictures.” She shrugged and tossed the photo on the trash bin next to her bed and turned back toward the laptop. “Guess I was wrong.”

An amazing, tingly relief replaced the jealousy Kris had been feeling. Her lips parted into a full on grin as she glanced between the trash and Izzy.

Without her consent, words started to pour out of her lips. “So you’re a…”

Izzy turned again to look at her, one purple brow raised. “A lesbian? A bisexual? Yes and yes. Are you seriously going to tell me that you didn’t know?”

Izzy’s tone was aggressive and Kris hated that she had evoked that emotion from her best friend. She hated the fact that Izzy must have felt the need to defend herself. Although she had never admitted it, Kris knew the feeling to hide her true sexuality all too well.

When puberty hit and all of her friends started to get boy crazy, Kris realized that the only thing she felt for the boys was envy. She envied them because they could take girls out on dates and hold their hands and kiss their lips. She wanted that, but in Mt. Pleasant girls wore pretty skirts and dated boys. There was no second option.

So she stayed locked deeply in her closet. She forced herself to forget who she really was in hopes that no one else would discover what she was, all the while dreaming of a better life where she could be free to love a girl, hold her hand and take her out on dates without being afraid of discrimination or retaliation.

For the longest time she thought that New York would be that magical place, but seeing how defensive Izzy was made her wonder. Maybe that was, in fact, just a dream. Perhaps where you were and where you were from didn’t matter. Perhaps coming out always meant being ready to defend yourself emotionally and, sometimes, physically.

A tense moment went by as the two girls stared at e

ach other, before Kris reached out to touch Izzy’s arm. “It doesn’t matter to me,” she assured with a smile.

Izzy’s expression softened. She said, “That’s good to know.”

Kris found herself rambling. “I mean, it doesn’t change how I see you at all.”

“Again, good to know.”

Kris knew that was a straight up lie. She had always had her suspicions about Izzy’s sexuality, though Izzy had talked about boys she had slept with in school. But knowing for sure that Izzy was gay changed everything. And the knowledge brought out something in Kris. It was a desire to be like her. And a desire to be with her.

Izzy was a lesbian and no one was chasing her with pitchforks or leaving pig heads on the steps of their dorm, as she knew some of the people from Mt. Pleasant might. She was just a girl who loved girls, and what was wrong with that?

CHAPTER FOUR

The weeks preceding winter break were hell. Their every waking moment had been spent either at their classes or cooped up in their dorm doing homework and studying for finals. When Kris walked back into their room after her last final she couldn’t believe the relief she felt.

“How was it?” Izzy asked, as she stretched her body over the desk to hang the decorative Christmas lights Kris had bought the night before.

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