Page 55 of Wintertime Love (Holiday 2)

My hand trembles as I lift my eyes to meet his gaze and my heart catches in my throat. “I…” Unable to say anything in front of his almost cruel gentleness, I find myself admitting

defeat, and I nod.

Getting out of the car is the first step and that’s not as hard as I had assumed. But staring at the looming graveyard, I take in a deep breath and start walking with long strides,

Finn is right at my heels.

I abruptly stop at the entrance and tilt my head to the side to look at him, voicing my initial concern, “Should I have brought flowers?”

He smiles and falls into step beside me as he takes my hand. “Let’s just go see them first.”

Even though it’s been quite a few years since I’ve been here, I automatically know where to go, the memory from their funeral still fresh in my mind. It’s a matter of minutes before I’m standing in front of two well maintained graves. I see the fresh lilies on both of them and my lips tremble.

Even after all this time, they still come here every day.

“Your aunts?” Finn glances at the flowers.

I nod, too choked up to speak.

He looks at me and then says, “I’ll give you a moment.”

I watch him leave and stare at the two graves, my voice shaking as I speak, “Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. It’s been a long time.” My tears are falling, hot on my cold cheeks and I feel an old pain, burning in my chest, making it hard to breathe. “I – I’ve been well. Sorry for not coming to visit before. I didn’t want to…“ My voice chokes, grief a tight ball inside me. “I didn’t want to see you like this. I- I’ve been – I miss you guys, every day.” I glance in Finn’s direction. “I met someone. He’s amazing. You guys would have loved him. He’s funny and he’s weird and he makes me laugh even when I don’t want to.” There’s a bit of longing in my heart along with the dull throbbing. “I think that I might be –?” My voice breaks and it takes me a second to muster the courage up to speak my words to the wind in front of the two people who had loved me with such abandon, and who had loved each other so wildly, “I think I might be in love. I don’t know if this is what love is but I think that it is. And I’m scared. And I wish you were here to tell me what to do.”

I speak out my heart.

I tell them about my diner, about my friends, about how well adjusted I am.

I don’t know how long I’m talking for till I run out of words. I stare at the gravestones, feeling my chest lighten. “I’ll come again soon.”

I stay there for a bit more, this time just standing in silence that’s oddly comforting and yet heartbreaking. I feel a pair of arms around me. I sink into the familiar touch with a sigh.

Finn doesn’t speak, letting me absorb his heat as I ground myself.

I look up at him, and whisper, “Thank you for coming with me.”

He smiles and presses his lips against my temple.

The walk back is quiet and peaceful. As I sit in the car, I close my eyes and lean my head back against the seat, feeling as if a huge burden has been removed from my shoulders.

Finn runs his fingers through my hair. “How are you doing?”

My eyes are still closed and I lean into his touch. “I’m all right.”

He lets me sit in silence.

After a few seconds, I murmur, “Thank you for going in with me.”

His nails scrape my scalp and he makes a humming sound.

We sit like that and even with my eyes closed, I can feel his eyes on me. “Finn?” I try to keep my tone neutral, not wanting to betray any of the anxiety residing within.

“Agra,” His voice is teasing.

He likes calling me that for some reason. I wanted to look it up once but then decided against it. It could be a pet name or a term of endearment – God knows, he uses them all the time.

I open my mouth to ask him how long he intends to stay, what he thinks we are, but instead, I blurt something else out, “How is the matter of the bar coming along?”

His silence makes me open my eyes wondering if I’ve crossed a line.

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