Her eyes grew round and her lips parted. “Both options are tempting,” she breathed.
“Naughty girl.”
I tugged on her hand, and together we walked inside the house.
Bertha and I put the children to bed, and then I sent someone down to the kitchen to bring up a supper for Molly, since I guessed she hadn’t eaten. Rather than eat in the dining hall with its vast dining table and cavernous ceilings, I had her installed on the villa’s portico, which overlooked the lavender fields, lush carpets in the night.
The sky was a breathtaking dome of twinkling stars; the Milky Way wreathed purple and pink-gold directly in front of us. Molly had her face tilted up to the sky, eyes pinned to the colorful display as if searching for meaning there.
“La Voie Lactée,” I murmured, setting down a silver tray of food and wine.
She smiled, keeping her eyes on the sky. “Even in French, it sounds so domestic. The Milky Way. Such a humble name for such incredible beauty.”
I gazed at her, drinking her in. “That happens sometimes, Molly.”
“Are you saying my name is humble?” she asked, not missing a beat.
“I would never.”
With a sigh, she finally tore her eyes away from the stars and looked to me. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
I held her gaze steadily for a few seconds. “Are you talking about Thomas and Charlotte? Or what happened between us before I left?”
“Both.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “More. Everything. I’m sorry for everything.”
I let out a long breath. “These last two weeks would have been so much easier with you by my side.”
“I know. I was foolish.”
“About that.” I poured myself a glass of wine to disguise the uncertainty in my face and tone. “Maybe you weren’t so foolish.”
Beside me, she’d grown completely still, a rabbit that knows the falcon is swooping overhead.
Be strong, Silas. Think of her life, not just of your own pitiful wants.
I took a deep breath. “When I saw you walk through the door tonight, I thought my greatest wish had been realized. That you had found me, and that I would finally be able to claim you in all the ways I wanted to—fuck you and marry you and spend the rest of my life loving you as your husband. But then I realized, as I was saying goodnight to the children, that this great wish wasn’t actually my greatest wish.”
“It wasn’t?” she asked warily.
“No. You being happy is my greatest wish. And Molly, if you weren’t sure you could be happy with me before…” Fuck, this was hard to say. Hard to do, knowing there was a good chance that she would take the escape hatch I was offering. “I am the children’s legal guardian now. And I love them. I plan on being as involved as their parents were, not only because they are dear to me, but because they deserve that, at least. That if they are going to be deprived of the two best parents the world has ever known, then at least I can try my hardest, even knowing that I’ll fall short in so many ways.”
Molly didn’t speak, but her eyes searched my face imploringly, though imploring me for what, I didn’t know.
“They mean everything, Molly,” I continued. “So I guess what I’m trying to say is that they are bound to me. They are now, and forever will be, the biggest part of my life, and any woman who loved me would have to love them too.”
I reached for her hand but she drew it away, her mouth growing tight. My stomach sank, but I finished my speech anyway, already steeling myself for the inevitable rejection. “I know the idea of an engagement scared you. And damn it all if the idea of being your husband isn’t the thing I fall asleep dreaming about every fucking night—but I can’t ask you to take on this. A family. Children you don’t even know. And so, with all of my love and my blessing, I want you to know that I understand if you don’t want to continue our relationship in whatever form it takes.”
Her hands were balled in her lap and her mouth
was set. “Do you really think I’m that heartless?” she asked in a low voice. “Do you really think I’m that cold? That I would have such distaste for recently orphaned children that I would rather not see you at all than get to know them?”
I sighed. “It would be more than getting to know, Molly. For all legal and emotional purposes, they are my children now. Traveling, working, even playing…everything has to change. It’s a sacrifice that I make gladly, because I love them and because a big family is the vision I’ve always had for my own life, but I know that isn’t what you’ve wanted for yourself. I can’t ask you to give up your own vision and your own future.”
“You don’t think I apprehend that much?” Her voice had gone Irish in her anger, her words curling up into themselves. Musical, lovely, and most of all, incendiary. “I’m not an imbecile, Silas, and I’m not some Jezebel incapable of warmth and compassion. I wouldn’t abandon you simply because I didn’t anticipate having a family in this way.”
“But you’re under no obligation to stay. To love me,” I said gently. “This isn’t your burden to bear. It’s mine.”
For a moment, I thought she was truly going to blow up and rain insults (and possibly physical blows) upon my head. But she turned away, staring straight ahead for a moment. Then she stood up and walked over to my chair, kneeling in front of me.
