“You lied to me, Julian! Why? Why?”
He didn’t touch his cheek, even as red splotches bled across his freshly-shaven skin. “Ivy,” he said in a low voice. “Don’t do this. Please.”
“You either answer my questions or I leave this room.”
We stared at each other for a long moment, and I knew he could see the resolve written across my features. He took a deep breath and finally spoke. “I didn’t want you to have the option to leave me. If you found out about the night Violet died, about the things I did. I didn’t want it to be easy for you to walk away from me.”
I was too strong to buckle or swoon, but I still backed against the dressing table, my fingers wrapping around its edges for support. His answer was so honest—too honest—and it was terrifying. He wanted me trapped here. He wanted to make it as hard as it could be for me to leave him, even after he’d promised me that I could leave at any time.
“You said,” and now the emotion broke through, shaking my voice and wetting my eyelashes. “You said that I could leave when you told me the truth. Or after you told me. You said I could leave whenever I wanted!”
He was breathing heavily. “I meant it, wildcat—”
“Don’t call me that!” I said, suddenly furious. “You don’t get to call me that now!”
Anger glittered in his eyes. “I can call you whatever I like. Because you’re mine, Ivy. You were mine the moment you let me circle your wrist with my hand the night we met. You were mine from the moment I pulled your first orgasm from your body on the floor of my library. You are mine and I have every right to protect what’s mine.”
“So I can’t leave.” My words were flat.
He shook his head, defensively, desperately. “That’s not what I’m saying. You can leave. You can utter bluebell at any time and I’m at your mercy. I only hid the letters for now because I wanted to show you…I wanted to show you how perfect I could make your life if you gave yourself completely to me and became my wife. Then I would tell you about Violet. Then I would tell you about your aunt. But first I needed you to be mine in the eyes of the law and of God. I needed to show you everything I could give you.”
It was always going to come to this, I realized. It was always going to come down to his secrets, his mysteries, his guilt. And I loved him with every atom and molecule that vibrated in my body, but I couldn’t live with those secrets any longer. I would always love him, always want to be with him, but treachery and betrayal was a line I couldn’t force myself to cross.
“Tell me what happened the night she died.”
He came to me and circled my upper arms with his hands. “No, Ivy, not yet. Listen to me—”
“Don’t touch me.”
His hands dropped and he stepped back. “Please,” he whispered. “Let me make it right.”
“If you want to make it right, then you’ll tell me,” I cried. “If you didn’t kill her, why can’t you just tell me?”
“Because I don’t want you to hate me,” he said. Sadness sliced through his words like broken glass.
“Don’t you see that I will anyway? If you try to trap me here? If you keep lying to me?”
“Once you know this, you can’t unknow it,” he said. “It…it’s the worst thing I’ve done. The worst thing in a lifetime of bad deeds. Please, Ivy. Please let it go.”
I took a step toward the door, unable to wrestle with him any longer. Our signal pressed against the inside of my lips, begging to be uttered. One word and he would have to let me leave.
“Wait,” he said. “Please.”
I stopped and looked at him, not bothering to wipe the tears from my face. Tears that dripped hot and fast onto my wedding dress.
Mr. Markham sank into a chair, burying his face in his hands. “I fucked someone else.”
My stomach rose into my chest, and I knew I was going to be sick. What was he saying? He had been with another woman…recently? While he was supposed to be with me?
He couldn’t mean that. He wouldn’t mean that.
“Julian,” I started but then couldn’t finish.
“The night Violet died. I fucked another woman.” He looked up at me. “You have to understand, fidelity was—is—one of the most important things to me. When my mother was alive, my father never made a secret of his mistresses or the maids he fucked or the houseguests he seduced. Mother never complained, pretended not to notice, but I could see how it killed her inside. So I vowed that I would never do that to a woman I loved. To a woman I didn’t love, even. I would only be with one woman at a time. So when Violet cheated on me with my valet, I was furious. I had suspected something for weeks, but hadn’t been certain. Didn’t want to believe it. And then she told me she was pregnant—” He bit off his own words and stared dully ahead. “I wanted to be a good husband, Ivy. Even after I realized that I didn’t love her, that I couldn’t be married to her any longer, I wanted to provide for her. Set aside a house and a decent living for her and her child. But she threatened to kill herself when I brought it up. She vacillated between suicide and threatening to fuck my servants and my friends in my own bed. I was infuriated. She stormed out of the house. I decided to give her time to cool off, then after our guests left, I would bring her back. Talk to her. Silas and I searched, and we couldn’t find her. We sent for the police and decided to catch a couple hours of sleep while we waited for them to arrive.”
I slowly sat in a nearby chair. “What happened?”
Old pain flashed in his eyes. “She made good on her promise. I found her fucking Gareth in my bed.”
