Page 48 of Misadventures in Blue
p; But I don’t care—it’s like heaven to me. Burying my face, getting my lips and chin wet, seeking out her swollen little clit with my tongue and stroking it. Lapping at her entrance like it’s the only real medicine I need.
I have to force myself to breathe, to be calm, because I know there’s only so much I can push that heart monitor before the nurse feels compelled to check on me, no matter how much she wants to be my wingwoman.
But it’s nearly impossible to slow it down. I can’t keep my heart from pounding in anticipation. Can’t keep blood from going right to the throbbing weight between my legs.
Although judging from the way my balls have drawn up tight to my body, I’m guessing I won’t be making the heart monitor go off for long. After so many days without her, her taste alone is enough to send me to the edge. And then she comes against my tongue with a muffled cry, her sweet little well contracting in rhythmic flutters, her hand reaching around and twisting in my hair to keep my mouth right where she needs it.
I can’t last.
With a quick move that has my arm screaming, I’m back on the bed and rolling her to her side as I get behind her. I manage to plunge in right at the end of her orgasm, and I have to clap my hand over her mouth as she starts coming all over again at the fresh invasion.
It only takes three thrusts and the feeling of her moaning against my palm before I’m there, emptying everything I have inside her, pumping her full of a week’s worth of need, and all to the beeping consternation of the heart monitor. Its insistent tones underscore my final few thrusts as I give Cat every last drop of what I have, and then it finally begins to settle down as I slide out of her and pull her snug against me.
We’re both wet and messy and her pants are still around her legs, but I don’t want to move. I just want to hold her tight and relish the sensation of having her here and close and safe.
My woman.
Mine.
Cat wriggles free, though, not saying anything as she reaches for a tissue to clean up. Not meeting my eyes as she pulls up her panties and jeans.
A slow curl of unease blooms in my chest. “Cat? Baby?”
She doesn’t answer at first, still buttoning herself and smoothing back her hair, until finally and with a long swallow, she meets my stare.
Oh God.
I don’t know what’s happening or why, and I don’t know what she’s about to say—but I’m certain she’s about to leave me. There’s something about the hollow pain in her gaze and the unhappiness around the lines of her plush mouth…something about her posture that looks defensive and determined all at once.
“Cat,” I say again, sitting up. The heart monitor, which was calming down, starts beeping faster. “Don’t do this. Don’t do this to me.”
She takes a breath, like she’s steeling herself. “Jace.”
“No.” The beeping makes it hard to think, but the more frantic I feel, the faster it gets. “No, Cat. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but no.”
“I held off doing this,” she whispers. “I thought I’d wait until you woke up…and then I thought I’d wait until you were discharged, but I was just fooling myself because I don’t want to leave…”
“Then why do it?” I demand. “Why put us through this when I love you?”
She lifts her eyes to the ceiling, ignoring my plea. “I thought you were going to die. I felt your blood on my hands, and there was so much, and I thought how can anyone lose this much blood and still—” She pauses, steadies her voice. “I can’t go through that again. I used to think I couldn’t go through it for anyone after Frazer, but it’s you… I can’t go through it with you. I love you too damn much.”
I’m off the bed in an instant, but my IV and monitor wires mean I can’t get close to her. I want to rip them all off and go and gather her into my arms. Crush her against my chest and kiss her hair until she stops this madness.
“If you love me,” I try to reason with her, “then everything else will work out.” I reach out my hand, knowing that I must look ridiculous in my bare feet and my hospital gown, but I don’t even care. I just want her to come closer. I just want her to stay.
“No,” she says, and her chin is trembling. She still won’t look at me. “I wish that were true, I really do, but loving each other doesn’t erase who we are. You’ll always be in danger—”
“I’ll stop,” I interrupt her. “I’ll quit. If quitting is what it takes, I’d do it in a heartbeat for you.”
“No!” she cries. “That’s not what I want at all! I don’t want you to change who you are or what you love to do.”
“It’s just a job, Cat. I can find another one.”
“Can you?” she whispers. “Can you tell me you don’t miss the action from when you were deployed? Can you really tell me you won’t be bored doing something else, something safe?”
I open my mouth.
Close it.
