Page 40 of Sinner (Priest 2)
I don’t think she’d hold back after I asked for honesty, and so I move on. “And then no sex after that?”
“I kissed a couple more boys after, but it never went further. And by the time I was ready again, it was impossible to find someone, the right person. Until you.”
It’s a lot of pressure. I don’t say it and I don’t show it, but knowing what a shitty experience she had the first time ups the stakes. It transforms this into something more than just a doubt experiment, an exploration, and it makes me feel like I’ve been given some kind of cosmic task to undo the wrongs of someone who came before me. To cherish this woman who deserves to be cherished, who deserves to know what good things a body can feel and do.
Of course, I don’t believe in anything cosmic, so that feeling has to be all in my imagination, right? And the way my skin tightens as I look up at this brave, vulnerable girl and silently vow to give her everything I know how to give. That’s nothing spiritual, it’s just biology…
Right?
“What about you?” she asks, shyly. “What have you done?”
“Just assume I’ve done everything,” I answer.
“Everything?”
“Well, okay, there’s a few categories on Pornhub that I haven’t dabbled in, but for the most part, everything.”
“And girlfriends?”
“I’ve never had a serious girlfriend, and I haven’t even casually dated anyone since college.”
“Why not?” Zenny asks. “Isn’t that normal? To date?”
I shrug. “Don’t have the time, mostly. And well, I’m a little bossy, as you may have noticed. Women like it in bed, but I have trouble turning it off in real life.”
“Bossy how?”
I think for a moment. Then make a decision. “You really want to know?”
I’m not imagining the widening of her pupils as she says, “Yes.”
“If we get through talking over everything, I’ll show you.”
“Like a reward?”
“Yes, darling. Like a reward.”
She tries to hide a smile when I call her darling, and I decide right then and there that I’m going to call her every endearment in the book if it makes her so fetchingly happy.
“Back to the talk,” I say, and there’s a new quickness in my voice because fuck I’m hard. I want to get through this and get to dinner, and then, you know.
Rewards.
“Boundaries,” I say. “I need to know yours.”
This kind of straightforward talk seems to put her back in her comfort zone, and her voice settles back into its usual, clear tones as she rattles off a list of things she’s clearly given thought to. “No spit, blood, or third parties. If we do anything kinky, we have to discuss it first and we both get safe words. And obviously, I can’t risk pregnancy or disease. I’ve been taking birth control to help control migraines for a few years, but I still want to use condoms.”
“Of course.”
She looks surprised that I don’t argue more about the last thing.
“I always use condoms,” I tell her. “You’ve got nothing to worry about there. And everything else we can easily manage.”
“Okay, good,” she says. “And this can’t cut into my studies or my volunteering, so we might have to be creative about scheduling.”
“I can handle that.”
She squeezes my hands. “What are your boundaries?”
