Page 77 of Sweet as Sin (Bad Habit 1)
“Changed my last name then, too. Real one’s Jameson, by the way. So one lie became two, and two became ten, and suddenly the press thinks Amy is my girlfriend ’cause we’re gettin’ photographed together so much, even though we tried not to. And it was fuckin’ weird at first but then I figured, why not? It made it safer for us, in a way. One more layer of make-believe to take us further and further from anyone who might suspect the truth. So we went with it. It got to be this big game to her, pretendin’ to be jealous over some random chick, bein’ all coy when some interviewer asked her if we were gonna get married.”
The stories I’d heard, the photos I’d seen of them together . . . none of it was real.
What a terrible way to live.
“Who else knows?”
“Kenji knows a little. I doubt Avery told him anything, but he’s sharp as a tack. I think he figured out a few things on his own. But only Barney knows the whole story. I know him from way back, when we all first came to LA. He was a bouncer then, workin’ the door at the Pig ‘N Whistle. Got jumped by three big guys one night. I saw it, stepped in to help, took a knife in the ribs before the fight was over. Spent almost a week in the hospital. When I got back to work, Barney said he owed me his life. I thought he was just bein’ dramatic, but years later when he started workin’ for the LAPD after he got out of the military, he called me up, said if I ever needed anything to let him know.
“Turns out I did need somethin’. ’Round that time, Amy landed a contract with Victoria’s Secret to be one of them ‘angels.’ Some old, dirtbag photographer thought she looked a lot like this teenage model he’d worked with years before. That first modelin’ agency Amy signed with closed its doors way back, but this asshole was still around. Knew there were probably pictures of her from that time still around, too. So I told Barney. He took care of it. Made everything disappear, every trace of evidence that Amy ever existed before she became Avery.”
“And the photographer?”
Nico’s hesitation was loaded. “Never heard from him again.”
It hung there between us. Nico watched me with those beautiful eyes, waiting. Waiting for me to react, to decide if what he’d just told me about him getting Barney to make the photographer “disappear” would be the thing that would finally send me running.
That he was telling me all this, trusting me with such a huge thing, not only his fate, but Barney’s as well, made my heart swell until it felt close to bursting. I loved him so much in that moment it physically hurt.
I took his face in my hands. He stared up at me, tense, his eyes still red and wet. In a trembling whisper, I said, “You know what I think?”
His jaw tightened. He shook his head.
“I think you did what you had to do to protect her. You protected Barney, too, when you didn’t have to, and I’ve already seen how protective you are of me. And now you’re laying it all out for me, telling me the truth, even though it’s ugly and would get you in all kinds of trouble and fuck up your career if I told anyone else . . . and all that makes me think I can trust you with anything. Even my life.”
His relief was enormous. I saw it in his eyes, felt it in his body. He sat up, pulled me into his arms and lifted me from the carpet. He carried me to the bed and lowered me to the mattress, then undressed me with quiet intensity as if I were a gift he was unwrapping. I knew from the desperate look in his eyes that he needed me, he needed to lose himself in me, and I was happy to let him get lost.
I needed to get lost in him, too. We needed to lose ourselves in each other.
This time it wasn’t fucking. Nico made love to me with an almost desperate tenderness, his kisses gentle, his hands gentle, his eyes so soft and unguarded my heart felt squeezed by an invisible fist when I looked into them. And when it was over and we lay quietly panting in each other’s arms, Nico hid his face in my neck, wrapped his arms around me, and cried.
Love washed over me, fierce and burning. Love and a feeling of protectiveness so strong I knew that I’d do anything in my power to keep him from feeling this kind of pain ever again. With every shake of his shoulders and softly choked sob, I vowed he’d never again have to suffer like he was now, not if there was an
ything I could do to prevent it.
After a while, he quieted. His body relaxed. Quickly afterward, he fell asleep, as if he’d been released.
I held him until the sun came up. Through the tall windows, I watched the sun rise over LA. I felt my center of gravity shifting to him, felt a clear and quiet recognition that the love between us was the only thing of true beauty I’d ever known in my life.
Nico and I had each other. We were safe now.
We were both finally home.
When I awoke sometime later, Nico was still wrapped around me, snug as a python. Though his weight was substantial, and his body heat was making me sweat, I loved waking up entangled with him.
Unfortunately, I really had to pee.
“Sweetie,” I whispered, trying to remove myself as gently as possible from his arms. His response was to drag my naked body closer to his and silently bury his face between my breasts.
I laughed softly. “No fair hiding in my cleavage.”
His voice was muffled against my breasts and scratchy with sleep. “This is my favorite place in the world. Nothin’ bad ever happens here.”
Hearing that, my heart got squishy soft. Even the biggest, baddest alpha male is still a little boy inside. I stroked his silky dark hair, my smile growing larger as he made a sound like a purr.
“Something bad might happen if you don’t let me up to go to the bathroom, superstar.”
He lifted his head and blinked sleepily at me. “First I have to tell you something.”
