Page 81 of Sweet as Sin (Bad Habit 1)
“It’s not about you.”
“Why do you say that?”
Nico ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “He blames himself for introducin’ Amy to Juan Carlos. He’d never admit it, but I know him. He’s sufferin’ as much as I am. You just met him at the worst possible time.”
It sounded reasonable. But the little twinge in my gut had me thinking twice. I decided not to make a mountain out of this particular molehill. Not now.
“I’m sure you’re right. Ignore me, I’m premenstrual.”
Nico sent me a grateful smile. I knew I’d done the right thing by letting it go. But I decided to stay as far away from his brother as I could.
Unfortunately, Michael made that impossible. When the priest murmured that the service would begin, Michael came and stood right beside me, so close his shoulder touched mine. With Nico on my other side and Barney to Nico’s left, we stood in a row beside Avery’s dove-gray coffin, listening in silence as the priest began to speak. Nico held my hand so tightly my fingers went numb.
I noticed Michael’s hands flex open and closed several times, as if he was itching for something to hit. I wondered if a tendency toward anger was another thing that ran in the family.
Then it was over, as abruptly as it had begun.
“May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace.” The priest sprinkled holy water over Avery’s coffin. He made the sign of the cross in the air. All that was left to do was watch as the coffin was lowered into the ground.
Michael stepped away and crossed his arms over his chest, avoiding Nico’s eyes. I thought it strange the two of them didn’t embrace. “See you at the house later tonight?”
Nico frowned. “You’re not comin’ now?”
Michael shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shook his head. “You know crowds make me twitchy. I’ll be over after everyone leaves.”
“It’s just gonna be us, the band, and a few of her friends.”
Nico hadn’t wanted anyone but us at the funeral, but I’d convinced him to have a small wake afterward at his house for a few industry people, Avery’s friends, her manager and agent, and the band, so they could pay their respects.
Michael’s unfriendly gaze settled on me. “Like I said. Crowds.”
It was official. Nico’s brother hated me.
“Suit yourself.” Nico pulled me close to his side and kissed my temple. Michael watched, his expression pained. He glanced away, but for a moment I could have sworn I saw pure rage cross his face, there, then instantly gone.
“Yep. Later.” He turned on his heel and strode away, exiting the tent through a curtain. He shoved it aside with disdain, as if it had personally offended him.
I exhaled a breath I didn’t kn
ow I’d been holding.
Nico’s voice was as dark as his eyes as he stared at the curtain Michael had disappeared through. “We were never that close. Not like me and Avery. And if I’m bein’ honest, which I always am, I probably blame him for Juan Carlos, too. Just as much as I blame myself for everything else.”
I saw how much he was hurting. Though his logical brain realized he wasn’t responsible for Avery’s overdose, I knew he couldn’t shake the guilt. I knew there was a voice whispering in his ear that he’d failed her.
I also knew—by the way he wouldn’t let me out of his sight, the way he now had to know where I was and what I was doing every moment in the past few days—Nico had transformed his guilt into an iron-clad determination to ensure he’d never fail me.
The two of us were going to need a shitload of therapy.
Barney laid his big hand on Nico’s shoulder. “You did everything you could, man. And then some. Not everything can be fixed. Not everyone can be saved.”
Nico looked around the tent. He looked at the forest of flowers. He looked at the priest. He looked at the coffin. He said, “Let’s get the fuck outta here.” And so we did.
“Oh, Kitty Kat, it’s good to see you again,” said Kenji, embracing me tightly. “Wish to hell it wasn’t because of this, though. Life’s a real twat sometimes, right?”
He released me, shaking his head. We stood in a corner of Nico’s living room, near the wall of windows where I’d stationed myself in an attempt to remain mostly invisible to the smallish crowd of Avery’s friends as they milled around the tables of food set out by the caterer. I felt beyond awkward, and didn’t want Nico holding my hand or showing other outward signs of affection, which, naturally, aggravated him. But I wasn’t giving in. Fondling your new girlfriend at the wake of (who everyone assumed was) your late ex-girlfriend was in the worst possible taste.
It was beginning to hit me just how delicate the situation really was.
