Page 122 of Sweet as Sin (Bad Habit 1)
“What the fuck?” he shouted into my face.
“Just let me go, Nico! I can’t do this anymore!” I shoved him, my hands flat on his chest. It was like trying to move a mountain.
He screamed, “What the fuck?”
A sea of rotting garbage tossed inside my stomach. As I began to get a clearer picture of what my sacrifice might actually involve, of the days and weeks and months and years I would now have to survive, drawing breath from dead lungs, seeing out of dead eyes, walking around in a corpse’s body, I almost, almost, told him the truth.
Then he let me off the hook by being an asshole, and the moment was gone forever.
“Did you know I was gonna do that? Is this some kind of fucked-up test? Humiliate me in front of everyone who’s important to me to see just how much I’ll put up with, to prove how much I love you? Are you that fuckin’ insecure?”
“No!” I shouted. “I just finally realized I don’t love you enough to be your wife!”
I might as well have stabbed him through the hear
t. His face turned white. His mouth dropped open. He recoiled from me, staggering back a few steps to stare at me as if I were the demon who’d just ripped his soul from his body and gobbled it down.
I swallowed back the bitter bite of bile rising in my throat, trying to catch my breath. I guessed I had about thirty seconds of bravado left before I’d crumble, and he’d know it was all a giant pack of lies.
“I’m sorry, Nico. I wish it wasn’t true, because you’re an amazing person, and I do care for you. But—”
“You said you loved me. You said you’d be mine for as long as both our hearts were beating.” His voice was hoarse and breaking. Looking at his face was like watching a building burn to the ground.
“Nico, I—”
“I told you everything about me, all my secrets, all my darkest shit, and you fucking said you loved me!”
There wasn’t any air. There was nothing supporting my weight. I felt as if I were being sucked hard against the ground, and it might at any second swallow me whole. Nico stared at me, shaking, red faced, a vein in his temple throbbing like mad.
I whispered, “You promised me you’d let me go if I ever wanted to walk away.”
His eyes welled with tears. He shook his head, a violent jerk that sent his hair flying.
“Yes. You promised. And now I want to walk away. I can’t take it, Nico. Your lifestyle. Your past. Your possessiveness. This craziness with your brother. I want out. Now. Tonight. I’m sorry it had to be this way, but I’m done.”
His throat worked. His gaze darted all over my face. He stood there a few feet away, breathing hard, looking as if he’d like to scream, or smash my face in with his fists. As best I could, I kept my expression a cold mask.
He just shook his head back and forth, in complete disbelief. Even wrecked, his face wet and his lips pulled back in an ugly snarl, he was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
He lunged for me suddenly, grabbed my face and crushed his mouth to mine. “You love me! I know you love me!” He cried it against my mouth as he held my head trapped between his hands. I twisted away, fighting back, until finally I found enough space to slap him.
His head snapped back. When he snapped it back around, he stared at me with his hand against his cheek, panting and wild-eyed.
I shouted, “I don’t love you! I never did, all right? Stop being such a child! I only said it because that’s what you wanted to hear! You knew I was never really committed to you, you said so yourself! I’m always running away, remember? I’m always comparing you to some other dickhead, remember? That’s because you were never the right thing for me, and we both know it!”
I saw the change as it happened. Fury took the place of disbelief, and for a moment I thought he would lunge at me again, only this time to curl his hands around my throat.
Instead he reached out, ripped the chain he’d given me from my neck, and threw it to the ground.
The room wobbled. I had to get away from him before I fainted, or cracked apart with the screams of anguish bubbling up inside my throat.
I turned and walked quickly away. After ten feet, I stopped. Over my shoulder, I said, “I won’t tell anyone about you. About Avery and Michael.” I bit back a sob. “And I’ll pay you back for the house.”
There was a moment’s silence. Then Nico said bitterly, “Don’t bother. I usually pay my whores a lot less, but you earned it. That was the biggest mind fuck of all time.”
His angry steps pounded down the corridor. Once they faded and he was gone, I leaned over and threw up all over my shoes.
When Chloe and Grace finally found me, I was crumpled in a corner, sobbing like a baby, clutching the broken necklace to my chest.
