Page 42 of Sweet as Sin (Bad Habit 1)
Chloe sent me a lopsided smile. Mascara was smeared beneath her lower lids, her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and that hair, but she still managed to look pretty. I, on the other hand, would be avoiding any mirrors like the plague.
With the speed of ninety-year-olds, we made our way to the kitchen. Grace was reading a newspaper at the table, coffee cup in hand. She looked up at us, and snorted.
“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in!”
Chloe and I eased ourselves into chairs beside her. “How are you looking so bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning?” I distinctly remembered her keeping up with us drink for drink. At least until after the front yard mariachi serenade. After that, things were fuzzy.
Grace raised her chin in the air, arch as the Queen of England. “Because I’m not an amateur, clearly.”
It was my turn to snort. “If experience counts, we’re all professionals.”
“Olympians,” Chloe agreed. Sighing, she folded her arms and rested her head on them on the table.
While I contemplated that Olympians were the exact opposite of professionals, Chloe appeared to be about to drift off back to sleep.
“Children,” said Grace, rising to pour Chloe and me coffee, “there are three things one must do in order to prevent a hangover.” She set the mugs in front of us, turned to the stove and began piling bacon and scrambled eggs onto plates. “First, never drink on an empty stomach.”
“We ate!” This from Chloe, speaking to the tabletop.
“Not nearly enough, and not before you started drinking.”
I thought about it. She was right.
“Second, you should drink a glass of water for every glass of alcohol you have. Two glasses of water is even better.”
“I hate water,” said Chloe. “It’s so boring. And it takes up so much room in your stomach.”
I agreed via grunt.
Grace ignored our input, setting the breakfast plates on the table. She took her seat. “Third, you should take an Alka-Seltzer before bed, along with a B-complex vitamin, and another of both in the morning.”
“You could have told us all this last night.” I crunched into a piece of crispy bacon. Delicious.
“Like you would’ve listened to me. Besides, this is so much more fun.”
“For you!” Chloe warily eyed the plate in front of her. Her face turned faintly green.
“Yes, for me,” Grace agreed. “What, you think I keep you two around for intellectual stimulation?”
I kicked Chloe under the table. “Grandma’s grouchy this morning.”
Chloe pushed her plate away, picking up her coffee cup instead. “Well, you know that old joke about women and menopause.”
“There’s at least twenty years between me and menopause, Einstein.”
Chloe acted as if Grace hadn’t spoken. “What’s the difference between a pit bull and a woman in menopause?” She paused, smiling sweetly at Grace. “Lipstick.”
Grace pressed her lips together in an effort not to smile, though I could tell she wanted to.
“You’re not going to be twenty-five forever, princess. I’m going to remember that joke and trot it out at a very deleterious moment.”
“If I knew what that word meant, I might be worried. By the way, how was it when they first discovered fire? Those must’ve been exciting times for you and the other Neanderthals.”
Grace raised her mug to her mouth and sipped her coffee to hide her smile. “Homo erectus had fire way before the Neanderthals, sweetie.”
This exchange was making me testy. “Someone please tell me we’re not actually sitting here discussing cavemen, when we could be discussing something so much more interesting.”
Grace and Chloe turned their attention to me.
