Page 63 of Into Darkness (Night Prowler 6)
“We,” said Honor. She sat beside her on the sofa, took her hand, and squeezed it. “We did it. Together. And Morgan is right: He deserved it. I’d kill him again if I could.”
A sound worked its way from Lu’s throat. It was part laugh, part choke, part cry of disbelief. She thought of the helicopter pilot, that red bubble at the corner of his mouth, and had to close her eyes to contain the tears that pricked beneath her lids.
How many more people will I kill in my lifetime? Is that what I am? A murderer, like Caesar?
No, came Honor’s firm reply. You’re a warrior. Like me. And sometimes warriors get their hands bloody, but the difference is that a murderer kills because he wants to. A warrior only kills when he has to, to protect himself, or the ones he loves.
Lu opened her eyes and gazed at her sister, whose mouth had curved into a smile.
Or, in our case, to protect the ones she loves.
Morgan sat on Lu’s other side. She took Lu’s chin firmly in hand and forced her to meet her eyes. “You will not feel guilty for what you did. I won’t allow it. Guilt and shame are wasted emotions, only ever useful for what they can teach us. Learn what you can, then let the rest go, because if you allow guilt to sink its claws in you, you’ll never be free of it.”
“The only people who don’t feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong are bad people,” Lu countered.
“That’s correct. And you do feel bad, which proves you’re not one of those people. But I’m telling you now that guilt is only a half step away from fear, and if you allow yourself to wallow in guilt, fear will follow on its heels and eventually you’ll find yourself paralyzed. Don’t let either one dictate how you’ll live your life.” She smiled, releasing Lu’s chin. “I never have, and Lord knows there are a million reasons I could’ve.”
Lu sat for a moment in silence, absorbing Morgan’s words, until Honor spoke again.
“You need to get your head straight about this.”
Lu looked at her sister, and found her staring back at her with her usual freezing intensity. Her tears had dried. Her armor had been donned.
“There’s always a price to be paid for freedom. That price is blood. It’s ugly, it’s tragic, but it’s reality. We didn’t start this fight, but we have to be willing to engage, and fight back. We have to do what it takes to protect ourselves, or we all die. The strong either protect the weak, or devour them. You and I are strong. So was Caesar. He chose the second path, and we chose the first. Can you see the difference?”
With her fierce sister on one side, and her fiery godmother on the other, Lu experienced a moment of profound calm, like the breathless stillness in the eye of a storm. She’d never felt so centered, or so suddenly sure of what she had to do. She thought perhaps it was the kindness of denial—ignorance was definitely bliss, in her experience—or maybe mass hysteria on a smaller scale, the effective mindwashing of two talented salespeople, but their words touched a chord deep inside her, and her shame was unexpectedly replaced by . . . well, if not pride then at least satisfaction.
Honor was right. If they wanted to, she and her sister could wreak the kind of havoc on the planet that would be nothing short of biblical. And who could stop them?
But they didn’t want that. For all their differences, they wanted the same thing.
Peace. Freedom. And most of all . . .
“I want you to promise me something.” Lu leaned in close to Honor, staring her deep in the eyes.
She seemed slightly taken aback by Lu’s sudden change of demeanor. “Which is?”
“Tell Beckett how you feel about him.”
Honor and Morgan both said, “What?” at the same time, only Honor’s voice was an octave higher. And much louder.
“No matter what happens after I leave, whether I make it back or not, I want to know that you’re not going to go on like this for the rest of your life. I want you to tell Beckett how you feel about him, because I think there might be something there. If I have to be courageous, you do, too.”
Morgan’s eyes were wide as she searched Honor’s face. “You and Beckett?”
Honor ignored Morgan, concentrating instead on stabbing Lu with daggers of withering fury using her eyes. “I am so going to kill you,” she said, her voice dangerously low.
Lu smiled. “Yeah. Let me know how that works out for you. Besides,” she said, tugging on a strand of her sister’s long mane, “you deserved it. And Morgan, thanks for the offer, but I’m not taking your Gift. I think it’s time I learned how to use all of mine.”
She rose, fluffed her shorn hair, crossed the room to the pair of large dressers where she suspected Honor kept all her clothes, and began to dig through the drawers for something to wear on her perilous, ill-planned, and possibly ill-fated return to New Vienna.
PART THREE
TWENTY
They left with the last of the light. As the helicopter rose into the sky and the crowd that had gathered on the moors to see them off grew smaller and smaller, the emerald valley darkened to sapphire and smoke-purple shadows, gloomy twilight colors that perfectly reflected Lumina’s mood.
She watched the sun sink behind the jagged peaks of the mountains in the west, wondering if she’d ever see that particular sight again. Shaking off her sense of doom, she turned to Magnus in the pilot’s seat beside her.
