You’re lucky I’m more than three thousand miles away. Send me another picture.
M.
From: Michael Maddox
To: Joellen Bixby
Date: December 18
Subject: WHERE IS MY PICTURE?
Don’t make me pull rank and threaten to have you written up for disobedience.
M.
From: Joellen Bixby
To: Michael Maddox
Date: December 18
Subject: As you requested
Being inexperienced in the art of sexting, here is a photo of my left foot. I think it’s quite flattering. Good lighting, etc. I tried to take a few more “risqué” shots, but the front-facing camera on an iPhone is designed to kill a person’s soul. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until you get back to see the goods in the flesh. So to speak.
From: Michael Maddox
To: Joellen Bixby
Date: December 19
Subject: Arrgh
Front-facing cameras are not the only thing that are soul killing. Disobedient copy editors are up there, too. Although your foot is lovely—those arches, you must be very proud—I was hoping for a
glimpse of something a bit more intimate. Kneecap? Inner wrist? Hip bone? Even an earlobe would be satisfactory at this point. I had no idea how accustomed I’d grown to seeing you at the office. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been gazing longingly at your eye-roll photo at night while I’m lying in bed.
Have you ever thought about getting contact lenses? Your eyes are so beautiful, but they’re a bit hidden behind your glasses. I’ve always wondered what you’d look like without them.
And a few other articles of clothing.
M.
From: Joellen Bixby
To: Michael Maddox
Date: December 19
Subject: Something to tide you over
Attached is a pic of my earlobe. You’ll be in a kerfuffle trying to discern if it’s the left or right, I’m sure. Ah, the mystery. I am a master of seduction, am I not?
In other news, Portia apparently has a twin who does not breathe fire and snack on little children. I don’t know if she’s on new meds, but she’s been acting human recently. Come to think of it, since you left.
Contacts make my eyes hurt, though I was thinking of wearing them for the holiday party. I’ve even bought myself a new dress. It’s tight and red and makes my boobs look bigger and my waist look smaller. I’ve asked it to marry me, but it’s playing coy and not answering. Such is love.
From: Michael Maddox