“Sure,” he said, squeezing me tighter. “That’s all I could ever want. My kinky, kinky boyfriend.”
With the power of my mind, I tried to relay to him that his death would not be quick or easy and that I would make him understand what true suffering meant.
Apparently, he didn’t understand because he just grinned at me. That dickbag.
“You know what this means, right?” Paul asked me, and I just knew I didn’t want to hear the words that came next. Paul tended to have the worst possible ideas at the worst possible time.
“What?” I asked, my voice trembling.
He smiled at me, and it was a thing of dark malevolence. “It means,” he said, “that we can double date. Just the four of us. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
And I thought there was a distinct possibility that I would rather be waterboarded. With bleach. On my birthday. In Kentucky. “Great,” I said. “Super great. Like, the greatest idea you’ve ever had.”
“Perfect.” Paul beamed. “We’ll go Friday night. I know just the place.”
I hoped that before Friday, I’d die in a shark attack.
Spoiler alert: I didn’t.
Chapter 9: It’s Best to Have Group Text with Your Family
GROUP MESSAGE: Nana Larry Matty Paul Vince Corey Sandy
Paul: FYI—Sandy & Darren are dating now
Nana: WTF JFC LOL
Corey: You can’t spring this on me while I’m in class!!!! >:[
Larry: What?!?!
Matty: I KNEW IT
Vince: I had to see them nekkid.
Nana: Nekkid? Why were they nekkid? LMAO YOLO
Vince: sandy makin sex face >__<
