Page 17 of Into This River I Drown
I throw my hands up in the air. “Fine. Tomorrow.”
Mom grins at me as she takes my cup from my hand and pours the coffee into a
travel mug. All four women then stand in a line and I kiss their cheeks, the Trio
telling me not to worry, that they will find a homosexual or two, even if they have to
think on it all day.
I shake my head as my mom hands me my mug and motions for me to turn
around. I do, and she lifts my backpack up and sets it on my back. They treat me like
I’m twelve, but I like to think it’s more for their benefit than mine. Mom’s fussing
with the zipper on the back of my bag when alarms start ringing in my head. I’m
about to turn when she opens the bag to see what the zipper is caught on. A feather falls to the floor.
I bend to scoop it up, but Mary beats me to it. “Where in the crap did you find
this?” she ask
s, holding it close to her face.
Christie plucks it from her fingers. “This has got to be the biggest bird ever.” My mother grabs it. “Benji, where did this come from?”
I make a move to take it back, but she holds it away from me. “Near Little
House,” I say defensively. “I just like it, okay? Give it back.” I can’t tell them the
thought of anyone other than me touching the feather makes me want to snarl and
lash out. I can’t tell them I spent the remainder of last night sitting in a chair in the
corner of the room, my knees curled up against my chest, watching the feather as it
lay on my bed. I can’t tell them where it came from, but somehow I know it is mine,
that it is for me.
“Can I see it?” Nina asks quietly.
My mother looks to me. I shrug, every fiber of my being screaming for me to
take it back, that no one else should touch it, but I don’t want to be forced to explain
these ridiculous feelings, seeing as how I don’t understand them myself. Not so ridiculous, I tell myself. It’s mine. It’s mine because it came from my
dre—
She hands it over to Nina, who moans softly as it touches her fingers. “It’s so
pretty,” she whispers. “And so, so blue.” Her eyes flick to mine at this last. I look
away. “Did you see him?” she asks me.
I close my eyes.
