Page 32 of Muse (Fighting Fate)

Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong, Thank you for everything xx

Those little kisses at the end nearly did me in. I wanted to just throw my phone and punch something. I wanted to storm off and be alone and brood, but I knew she could see me, and she needed to think I was okay.

I sat there for the rest of the lunch period trying to pretend there wasn’t a fucking big gaping hole in my chest that was eating away at me.

All around me, people were making jokes and laughing, congratulating us for making the tour, all fucking amped and excited, and I had to smile and laugh right along with them. It was all fucking bullshit.

I couldn’t have been more fucking relieved when the bell finally rang. We all walked back to our lockers, surrounded by people I hadn’t even seen before, let alone met, and I just wanted them all to fuck the hell off.

It wasn’t until Aiden and I were getting our books out for our next class that I felt the tension coming off him.

Before I could ask him what was up, he was slamming his locker. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” he growled, opening and slamming his locker with each word.

I stared at him, slightly in shock, as he leant his head against the locker door. I’d known Aiden for almost four years, and it was a very rare occurrence for him to lose his shit.

I took a quick look down the halls, glad most of the other students had already gone off to class. The few remaining stranglers were eyeing us, but they seemed to know well enough to move on.

“What the fuck, man?” I said quietly.

He banged his head against the locker door. It wasn’t hard but it was enough to turn a few more heads. “I don’t know if I can do this, man,” he said.

I was fucking confused. What the hell did I miss? “Do what?”

“The fucking tour!” he bit out, pushing away from the locker. He rubbed his hands over his face with frustration. “I mean, I will, but...fuck!”

“I don’t get it, man. What’s the problem?”

“Mia’s the fucking problem! Something’s...not right.” He clasped his hands behind his head and exhaled loudly. “I don’t know. It might be nothing, but she’s freaking me the fuck out. I just have this sick feeling in my stomach. She says it’s nothing, just PMS or some shit – and don’t fucking say I’m feeling her PMS or I’ll fucking take you down right now. I just...it’s hard, you know?”

I knew more than he could possibly be aware of. I clapped him on the back lightly. “It’ll be okay, man. We’ve got three months to work it out. Let’s just see what happens up until then.”

He nodded and took a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s just...she’s a part of me, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” And I did. I felt exactly the same way.

Chapter 17

Mia

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

I hadn’t meant to listen in to Aiden and Jace’s conversation, but when I heard the locker slam and Aiden’s voice swearing so emotionally, I froze. Knowing I was causing him so much distress was like having a bucket of ice cold water thrown over me. I couldn’t believe I’d been so tied up in my own emotions that I couldn’t even see how much I’d been affecting him.

What had I done? He was talking about cancelling the tour for god’s sake! I needed to fix this. I needed to find a way to show him I would be okay when he left. I needed to stop hiding and face reality.

I’d known for a long time that I’d been using my anxiety as an excuse to hide away from the world. I’d been fine living my life like that, but I hadn’t thought for a single second how that might be affecting those who loved me.

My real problem was crowds. Loud, angry crowds. Handfuls of people like Aiden’s group of friends weren’t really a problem. They didn’t make me anxious. That was purely just shyness.

Maybe if I could show Aiden that I could mingle a little more, bring myself into the real world a little more, he would start to relax and not feel so worried about me. With only that thought to keep me going, I picked myself up off the floor and went to the bathroom to clean up.

Aiden’s words stuck with me for the rest of the day, and their reminder only made me more determined to follow through with my plan. When it was home time, I sat quietly in the passenger seat, watching him out of the corner of my eye as he drove. Now that I was aware of how he felt, it was plain to see how much anguish he was going through. It was a hard pill to swallow. I was the worst twin in the world.

I called Kaeli as soon as I got home, not only to tell her my plan, but also because I desperately needed her help. Unlike myself, Kaeli wasn’t a shy person. She was the way she was because she was hiding something – or hiding from something. She hadn’t become afraid of being around people like I had. She’d just chosen to stay away from them.

I was happy with my plan. I even slept well and woke feeling like it was the perfect solution.

I didn’t start to second guess it until I was faced with the student green at lunch time the next day. There seemed to be even more people hanging around the guys than there were the day before, or maybe it just looked that way because I was so god damned nervous.

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