Page 111 of Hush (Fighting Fate)

I swallowed, my breath shaking from the memory. “Was that enjoyment or satisfaction? Because there’s a difference, Noah.”

His eyes narrowed a little as though he was beginning to understand what I was getting at.

“He liked beating the fuck out of the people TJ ordered him to,” he countered.

I steeled myself. He wasn’t going to win. I wasn’t going to let him. “Why did he like it?”

“Because they were fucking scums,” he bit out, the distaste he had for those people more than obvious. “If they weren’t selling shit to kids, they were picking up young girls off the streets and pimping them out.”

I held my breath, letting his words sink in as I hid the horror of what he was saying from my face. “So, you’re saying all the bad things Mitch did was ultimately to right a wrong? A payback for those who’d been abused? To protect those who hadn’t been able to protect themselves?”

So many emotions flashed through his eyes as he tried to process my words. I watched them all, silently waiting for him to accept it. I could see he was struggling, and I wanted to keep pressing, to get him to see just how amazing he was, but I also knew he needed to do this on his own.

So I let him stand there, within reach, as he silently went through the motions. After what felt like an eternity, he took a steadying breath and slowly exhaled.

“How do you do that?” he said quietly.

I stepped forward and placed a hand on his chest. “By being honest.”

He sighed. “You shouldn’t have to put up with my fucked up mood swings, Kaeli.”

Moving my hand over the hard contours of his pecs, I gave him an easy smile. “Believe it not, but your mood swings make me like you more. They tell me you’re real, that you’re open and honest. I want to know what’s going on with you. Good and bad.”

With hesitant hands, he reached out and softly touched my hips. “You want to know all the shit that goes through my head?” he said, his tone slightly disbelieving.

“Always.”

He exhaled long and slow as he watched me, then with an unsure touch, he gently ran the back of his hand down the side of my face. “Let me love you properly, Kaeli.”

My heart stumbled. The combination of his words along with the adoring look in his eyes was doing something strange to it. “Okay.”

Then he kissed me.

It was the sweetest, most gentle, most loving kiss I’d ever experienced. It took my breath and melted my insides. It made my heart go from a stumble to a flutter.

Both his hands caressed my face, holding it as gently as he would butterfly wings. Almost reverently. His fingers were so careful, his touch so tender, as he laced them in my hair.

“I don’t know what words to use to tell you how much you mean to me,” he whispered against my lips. “I don’t know how to explain what you make me feel.”

“Then show me,” I breathed.

Brushing his lips over mine, he bent down and lifted me into his arms, gently carrying me over to the bed and laying me down.

And with my heart in a state of disarray, I let him love me.

***

Pulling my car up to Mia’s house the next day, I struggled to get my mind off Noah and everything that’d happened the night before. There was no doubt in my mind I was falling for him. It was impossible to stop, even if I wanted to. The only thing that worried me was whether Noah was ready for it.

After loving me the night before, he held me until the early hours of the morning, talking about his time in rehab and what the psychologist had told him about possible mood swings and emotional states. If anything, that only made it easier for me to love him.

After sleeping in each other’s arms for most of the day, neither of us wanted to let the other go when it was time for me to leave, but Mia had organized a girls get-together a while ago, and considering she was about to go on tour with the guys and I wasn’t going to see her for months, I knew I needed to make the effort.

The only thing that made it bearable was knowing Noah was going to be spending the time with his brothers. I loved the close relationship they all seemed to have, and I loved that Noah had them to support him.

Letting myself in, I made my way through the house, following the sounds of music and laughter I could hear coming from out the back.

Guilt flared inside me when I realized I was the last to arrive yet again.

---