Page 76 of Fade (Fighting Fate)

I can’t explain to you just how much I miss you, but I guess I don’t really have to.

My head’s a mess as I’m writing this. There are things I need to tell you, but I have no idea how. It’s not something I wanted to say to you through written words. I want to hear your voice, see your face and hold your hands. But I can’t, and now I don’t know how to write it…

Something terrible spiked inside me. I thought it might have been panic. I couldn’t stop my mind from dredging up Nelson’s words. With my head reeling, I let my gaze fly over her words, bracing myself, hating myself for needing to expect the worst.

I hate this. I hate having to do it this way because I need to know how you feel when I tell you. I need to know I haven’t ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. All I can ask is that as soon as you read this, can you please reply. Please put me out of my misery – yes, as dramatic as it might sound, I am in misery here…

So I’m just going to say it. Here goes… (Oh God!) …I’m pregnant.

The doctor says I’m four weeks today, which means it would’ve happened around the time we got married. I know this is my fault. I messed up. I didn’t think about the pill losing its effectiveness when I had that vomiting bug. I just didn’t think. I’m sorry ?

Please message me. I love you. A.

I stared at those two little words on the screen, seeing but not seeing. I wasn’t sure if my head was spinning or if it was blank. Amy was pregnant. I was going to be a dad.

A small voice inside my head was asking how the hell that was possible. Another part could make total sense of everything Amy had said. Of course the vomiting bug would’ve compromised the pill’s effectiveness. It was a no-brainer, really. But we’d both had a lot going on at the time, so yeah, I think we could both be forgiven for not seeing that one coming.

I read back over her words, this time seeing her worry for what it really was. She was stressed over how I was going to react. Didn’t she know I wanted everything with her?

Putting my laptop beside me, I stood and paced a few steps, linking my fingers together behind my head.

“Everything all right, man?”

I glanced over at Nelson, his concerned features sharpening my senses somewhat.

Inhaling slow and deep, I nodded. “Yeah, man. Just processing some stuff.” I wasn’t ready to share this just yet, if ever.

Sitting back on my cot, I opened the next one. It was dated a week later.

From: Amy Benson [email protected]

To: Daniel Stephenson [email protected]

Date: Mon, Apr 18, 2016 at 7:06 AM

Subject: RE: miss you already

Daniel,

I know you said you didn’t know if you would be able to contact me much, and that’s fine. I just hate that I don’t know if you’ve read the last e-mail I sent. I hate wondering if you’ve read it and just can’t respond because you’re upset or angry. I hate not knowing how you feel about it. Please, please, if you’ve read it, answer me. I just need to know :’(

Amy

Shit. Grabbing my laptop, I started typing.

From: Daniel Stephenson [email protected]

To: Amy Benson [email protected]

Date: Fri, May 6, 2016 at 11:42 AM

Subject: RE: missing you already

You’re seriously pregnant??? I’m really going to be a dad?

I stared at the short message, my brain apparently not able to cope with anything more than that. Before I could stop myself, I hit send.

“Shit,” I said, blinking at the little message that told me it had been sent. Why the fuck hadn’t I added something to tell her I was good with it?

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