Page 91 of Fade (Fighting Fate)

“You, though . . . ” His expression turned pensive. “You never had that. You never found that one thing that excited you. That one thing that bought you acceptance.”

Pain squeezed my chest. I didn’t understand why, but knowing someone outside my close circle could see what I’d felt all those years made the sadness in it so much more real.

“But do you know what?” he said.

I met his gaze, clinging to his every word, unsure why, but needing to hear what he was going to tell me like it was the only thing that would get me through.

“I saw strength in you, Amy. I saw it then, and I see it now. I know you don’t, but I see it. You don’t know it any other way, but let me tell you. It takes strength of the highest kind to go each and every day, being scrutinized, watched, expected to measure up, expected to not measure up. But each and every day you got up, and you tried. You jumped through hoops, and you did your best to reach that mark your parents etched into the sky. You’ve spent your whole life feeling like you’re just not good enough because you’ve been unable to touch it, but do you want to know the reason why you haven’t been able to?”

Tears slipped down my cheeks. I nodded.

“It’s because you don’t look up at the same sky, Amy. The sky they look up to is a fake. It’s just a fancy room with a ceiling. The sky you look up to is the honest to God sky. It’s Heaven. It’s without limits. That mark your parents scratched in theirs? You’ve already surpassed it. You did that the day your strength helped you walk away from them.”

I blinked, trying so hard to absorb his words. To believe even just one of them.

Alex touched my hand. “That strength is still inside you, Amy. It’s a part of you. What’s happening right now is just the next test. Don’t let it beat you. Fight. Daniel’s missing. That’s all anybody knows. Until somebody tells you differently, don’t give up. If Daniel is out there somewhere, he’s going to need you to not give up. He’s going to need you to fight.”

I stared into Alex’s eyes, long and hard. His words made so much sense, but I wasn’t so sure he was right about me. I didn’t think I was strong enough. Not for this.

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Don’t listen to the doubt, Amy. The truth is right there, inside you. You’re not a white sheep like your parents wanted you to be. You’re different from every person you know. You found love. You got married. You’re having a baby. You’re starting your own family. No one else you know has done any of those things. Yes, I know it terrified you and you feared being judged, but you stood up and you o

wned it. You lifted your chin and told everyone that this is what you’re doing, and you were damned happy about it. You’ve carved your own path, Amy. That takes more strength than following the damned flock. Trust me. I know.”

I knew he was right. I did. Everything he said made complete sense to me. I just didn’t know how I was supposed to fight. Everything I knew, everything I’d been told about Daniel’s disappearance, pointed to a very slim chance of survival. My protective instincts were telling me to prepare for the worst.

“I’m scared, Alex. What if I let myself hope, then they tell me he’s gone?” I squeezed my eyes shut with the pain that thought brought. “My instincts are telling me to protect myself, to prepare for the worst, but the thought of giving up on him scares me too.”

Alex squeezed my hand. “Sweetie, every day, someone, somewhere, has to make a difficult decision. A decision that has the potential to end in pain. Easy choices aren’t always the right ones. The ones that are hard—the ones that hurt the most—are usually the ones that mean the most. Don’t give up hope just because you think it might hurt you later on. You’re tougher than that.”

I wanted to believe him. So much it twisted my heart into a tight little knot. But without Daniel, I just wasn’t so sure . . .

Chapter 48

Daniel

Deployed time: 15 weeks

MIA: 4 weeks

Amy,

I feel like everything is slipping away from me. Like I’m on my way to losing everything. I’m alone. I don’t know where I am. I don’t even know who has me locked up. People come every day, but they don’t speak English, and they won’t even try to communicate with me. I’ve tried using my strength to get out, but it’s useless. Just know I love you. Always.

Daniel.

I didn’t have dreams anymore. Just nightmares. They plagued me every time I closed my eyes, jolting me awake, fighting an invisible enemy and gasping for breath.

Days came and went, with no way to tell when one ended and a new one began. My world was only darkness or artificial light.

Once a day, or so it seemed, someone would appear with the usual tray of food and water. Each time they came, I tried to get answers. Who were they? What did they want with me? Had they been in contact with the US Forces?

I never got any answers.

My body ached, and my mind was slowly losing strength. But it was my heart that suffered most. Every minute of every waking hour, I thought of Amy. I knew she would know I was missing by now. I hated that. I hated what it would be doing to her.

It was hard, but I tried to use those thoughts to stay strong. For Amy. For our baby. To stay focused enough to find a way back home to them. It was all I had.

Shifting on the cold, hard floor, I rolled my shoulders, trying to ease the pain that never seemed to leave me. My stomach twisted in pain. It told me it had been longer than twenty-four hours since my usual visitor had been in. But how was I to know, really?

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