Page 93 of Fade (Fighting Fate)

Pressing my lips together, I tried to find something to occupy my mind while I waited for Susan to return from the kitchen. This was why I rarely came by. As it was, I’d come on a whim, needing to submerge myself in Daniel’s belongings. I hadn’t been expecting either of them to be home.

I didn’t mind, really. I wasn’t exactly trying to avoid them, but sometimes being around them made the pain in my heart so much worse, it was almost crippling. Especially Ryan.

Drawing in a slow, deep breath, I tried to focus on the positive. This was Daniel’s family. If anyone had any idea what I was feeling, it was them. They were the only ones who could possibly understand. We needed to support each other, not avoid each other.

Without making a conscious decision to do so, I glanced up at Ryan, finding I was right. He was staring at me.

“What?” I asked, trying to get an understanding of where his head was at.

Ryan didn’t speak. He simply sat and watched me, some kind of internal monologue scrolling through in the depths of his eyes.

I wasn’t sure what it was that I saw, but it made me

uncomfortable.

“What?” I asked again, this time a hint of a warning in my tone.

A few more heartbeats thumped before his gaze broke, swinging to stare out the window instead.

Nausea rolled in my stomach. I didn’t know what that meant, but for some weird reason, it freaked me out.

I sat forward a fraction, ready to say something I was sure my brain would come up with, but then his gaze swung back to pin me. The dullness I saw there made me shrink. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I was sure I didn’t like it.

“You know he’s gone, don’t you?” he said quietly.

A chill ran through my blood.

“He’s not coming back. You do know that, don’t you, Amy?”

My breath shook. “Stop it, Ryan.”

Pity streamed from his eyes. Slowly, he shook his head. Panic quickly started coursing through my veins. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He was Daniel’s brother. His twin brother. He was supposed to hold on to hope just as much as me. I didn’t understand the words he was saying. I didn’t understand why he looked so defeated.

I was standing before I knew what I was doing. “Stop talking like that,” I demanded. “Daniel is missing. He’s not dead. You of all people should know!”

Ryan pushed himself to his feet, his expression hardening. “Exactly. I of all people should know. I’m his twin. That means we can tell when something’s wrong.” He took a small step forward. “Do you want to know what I feel, Amy? Do you want to know what I’ve felt for the last six weeks?”

My whole body trembled. Anger, upset, and devastation roiled within its confines. Protectively, I cradled the little bump in my stomach.

“Nothing,” he said, spitting the word out like he was tasting something bad. “I’ve felt nothing, Amy. Not a damned thing. Do you want to know why that is?”

I shook my head, tears prickling my eyes. “That doesn’t mean anything, Ryan, and you know it. Daniel told me himself that he hasn’t had that kind of connection with you since your parents separated. And I don’t need you to tell me what you feel. I can feel him. I know he’s still alive!”

Susan appeared in the doorway, her eyes wide as she glanced between the two of us.

“What on earth is going on?”

I stared at Ryan, hatred starting to take a hold of me. Pity still shone from his eyes, but it was the defeated swoop of his shoulders that cut me most. I didn’t realize just how much I needed him to believe Daniel was still alive. The fact that he’d given up hope seemed to make my grip on it slip a little more.

“Ryan!” Susan barked.

Ryan released me from his gaze, answering his mother with a look. Silence returned to the room for a moment before he simply shrugged. “Nothing, Mom.” Then, without another word, he turned and walked away.

My gaze followed him until the door clicked closed behind him, my body shivering with sickness that rolled through me.

“Amy?”

With desperation quickly taking me over, I looked into Susan’s eyes.

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