Page 36 of Dare (Fighting Fate)

Eli

Climbing into my truck, I quickly closed the door before I thumped the steering wheel with the heel of my palm. I thought it’d been fucking hard seeing Jess when she’d been dating Wyatt, but now that she was single, it was a fucking nightmare. And now that I knew she wanted me to, it just added to the damned torture. I’d seriously never felt so torn in my life.

Cranking the engine, I reversed out of the parking space and started heading for school. I didn’t understand how I could’ve underestimated the pull she had on me. I’d honestly thought the drive I had to stay focused on my studies would be enough to stick with my goals. I just couldn’t comprehend how the hell she made me so weak.

As I pulled into the parking lot at school and eased the truck into a space, I shook my head. All I knew was that if I didn’t get my shit together real quick, failing was a real possibility, and I could not let that happen. I needed to get on top of this. Now.

With a sigh, I climbed from the truck and locked it with the fob, turning to find Brad already waiting for me. He raised an eyebrow at me with a certain level of pessimism. “And so it begins,” he said.

His words only reiterated what I’d just been telling myself, but they didn’t help. I nodded as I threw my bag over my shoulder. I seriously needed to man up. If I could just break it down into steps, I might actually be able to get there. The first step was to graduate, and all that involved was four more months of study. Four months was nothing. I could do that. I just needed to stay well away from Jess and I’d be fine.

Somewhere inside, I knew I was full of shit, but I ignored it. Ignorance was bliss, after all.

Filing into the classroom, I slid into my seat next to Brad and got out my notepad and pen. Professor Lingard shuffled into the room a minute later, flicking on the screen as she went. “Good morning, class. I hope you all had a good break,” she said in a tone that suggested we better be ready to work.

I drew in a deep breath, wondering if I could make myself be ready just by telling myself I was often enough. It was doubtful, but even I could be an optimist when I wanted to be. All I needed to do was find a solution to the problem. But before I could do that, I needed to isolate the problem.

Jess. Well, not Jess herself, but the attraction I had for her. Solution? Stop being attracted to her. I almost scoffed at myself for that one. If I hadn’t been able to achieve that in the last three years, then I was never going to achieve it. Unless I became attracted to someone else . . .

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, let’s replace one problem with another. Good one, Eli. Best plan ever. Internally, I cringed. Jesus fucking help me. Now I was starting to think like Isaac.

Okay, so my attraction was never going to go away—because that didn’t depress me at all—but I could probably make Jess stop being attracted to me. All I’d need to do was act like a dick to her and she’d hate me in no time. And if she hated me, nothing would ever happen between us.

I rubbed my forehead. I actually wanted to slap it, because for someone who was supposed to be smart, I was thinking like a fucking dumbass. There had to be an easier solution. One that didn’t result in me hurting Jess, or leaving me seriously scarred for life.

My mind drifted to the way she felt against me the night I pressed her up against the wall. That one little taste had been my downfall. If I had just been able to restrain myself, I might’ve had a better chance at walking away. But like an addict, it had only served to taunt me—to tempt me to take more. Every part of me was obsessed with it. Just once. That’s all I wanted. To feel her in every possible way.

Dropping the pen onto the table, I rubbed my hands over my face. Just once. Yeah, right. Said every addict ever . . .

Maybe if I just went on a binge of one-nighters. Jess would have to give up on me then. It might also help me to dispense all the sexual tension I was dying from right now.

Brad kicked me under the table. “Dude.”

I blinked at the screen on the wall before looking down at my blank notepad in front of me. Okay, I was in serious trouble.

Scrambling to jot everything down, I swore under my breath. Fucking awesome. Now I’d be spending the night reviewing the session instead of getting a start on my fucking assignment. This shit seriously needed to stop. Pulling my head out of my ass, I forced myself to listen to the rest of the class. The whole ten minutes that was left of it. Fuck my life.

Anger started seeping into my veins as I walked out to the parking lot with Brad after class. I’d never been so pissed off with myself before. The whole situation was beyond ridiculous.

“Dude,” Brad said, stopping me short. “I’m just going to say it—not because I want to tell you what to do, but someone’s got to tell you. You’re deliberately staying away from Jess so you can focus on your studies, right?” I nodded warily. “But from where I’m standing, you’re more distracted than ever,” he said, lifting one shoulder. “Maybe you should just give it a shot with her, man. You never know. If you take away all the frustration and shit going on, you might be able to concentrate on what you’re doing. Because, dude, if today was any indication of what you’re in for this semester, then you’re seriously screwed.”

Looking up to the trees, I exhaled in a huff. I knew he was only trying to help, but I didn’t want to hear it. “I can’t, man. If I let myself have her in any way, I won’t be able to put in the time I need to finish this. I didn’t spend the last seven years doing this shit, only to fail at the end.”

Brad shook his head. “Eli, people date and study all the time without failing. You’ll figure it out.”

“It’s four months,” I said, not willing to give up. “I just need to ride it out. Then I can decide if I want to do anything about it.”

Pity shone in Brad’s eyes, making me tighten my jaw. “Do you even believe your own shit, man? As soon as you graduate, you’ll be straight into the bar review. Then it’ll be the bar exam. Then it’ll be a new job. I mean, if Jess isn’t that important to you, then, by all means, keep doing what you’re doing, but if she’s more than that, you should probably rethink your strategy. I can tell you now, she’s not going to wait around for you, man.”

Irritation flared. I knew it was completely irrational, but his words had struck chords I’d been purposely ignoring. “You don’t know her enough to know what she would do.”

He sighed, disappointment settling his mouth into a frown. “She’s human, Eli. I don’t need to know her to know that she’ll move on. That’s life. It keeps moving us forward whether we like it or not.” With that, he clapped me on the shoulder and turned away from me. “See you tomorrow, Brother.”

As I watched him walk away, I tried to push his words down. He was wrong. He might’ve had good intentions, but I knew Jess, and I knew myself better. If I allowed Jess to come into my life, she would consume me in the best way possible, and I would fail. And where would that leave me? Hating myself for not being able to finish what I’d started. I just couldn’t let that happen.

Raising my chin, I started for my truck, but paused my steps when I saw Wyatt and Zac in the far shadows of the parking lot. Their body language was blatantly hostile and had me instantly on alert. Zac’s hands moved through the air as though he was trying to get answers, but Wyatt was a closed book. He shook his head, his hands slicing across his body in a definite rebuttal. Whatever they were arguing about, they were not seeing eye to eye, and neither of them looked as though they were backing down.

A few minutes later, Wyatt turned his hands up and took a step back. I didn’t know who had been the one to start it, but Wyatt was definitely finishing it. As he turned away from Zac and started stalking back toward the dorms, Zac’s hands clenched into fists at his sides, and his eyes narrowed with contempt. If his look told me anything at all, it was that he was ready to fight.

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