Page 51 of Dare (Fighting Fate)

She stared at me for a long time, her eyes searching mine for whatever answers she could find. After a while, she slowly shook her head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’re right. I did know, and I pushed for it anyway. I just didn’t realize you’d act like a jerk afterward.” She turned away from me and started walking out the door. “I’m going to have a shower. You know the way out.”

“Come on, Jess,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “That’s not fair. I’m trying to do the right thing here. I’ll admit I’m doing a fucked job of it, but you’ve got expectations I can’t give you.”

Her gaze met mine, a sad resignation settling over her features. “That’s where you’re wrong, Eli,” she said quietly, lifting one shoulder in defeat. “I’ve grown up coming second my entire life. It didn’t matter who it was—my mom, dad, Norman, Wyatt—there was always someone who came before me. It’s what I’m used to. This is just another day. I’ll go shower, get dressed, raise my chin, and get through it just like I did yesterday, and the day before that.” Letting out a little sigh, she smiled kindly. “No hard feelings, Eli. Like I said, at least now I have something to remember.”

“Jess,” I said, moving forward, “you’re killing me here.” Reaching out, I ran my thumb over her cheekbone. “You’re not a second to me, baby. Not by a long shot. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you. Right now, I care about you more than I care about this damn degree.” Sadness pressed down on my chest as I searched her face. “And that’s exactly why I need to leave.”

She stared at me for a long time, emotions rolling in and out faster than I could decipher them. After a while, her mouth curved up with a sad smile, and then she turned and disappeared down the hall. A second later I heard the door close and the water start running.

Closing my eyes tight, I clenched my hands into fists at my sides and fought back the pain that threatened to overtake me. Even though my brain was telling me I’d just made the most mature choice in all this mess, my heart was telling me I’d just fucked up the most important event in my life.

Grabbing my jeans off the floor, I yanked them on and pulled at the zipper. Tossing on my shirt, I strode down the stairs, stepping

into my shoes and scooping up my keys on my way out the door. As anger began to take over my body, I welcomed it with open arms. It was a way better emotion to deal with than whatever this other pain was. I mean, how the hell did this get so fucking messed up? It was supposed to be so easy. I had a plan. All I needed to do was stick to it. It shouldn’t have been this fucking hard.

Jumping into my truck, I cranked the engine and peeled away from the curb before thumping the steering wheel and biting out a curse. I fucking told her I couldn’t commit to anything. I asked her not to tempt me, but she begged me anyway.

Yanking on the steering wheel, I raced around the corner, tires screeching on the blacktop as they protested my speed. Her voice echoed inside my head. She was used to coming second. That was just great. Perfect. That made me feel so much better about the whole fucking situation.

Slamming on the brakes, I blared the horn at the driver who’d just pulled out in front of me, swerving around their stupid ass hatch to shoot past them. Speed was exactly what I needed to forget this shit right now. If I could just get home, I could get on my bike and go.

When I finally pulled into the drive, I barely waited for the thing to stop moving before I was out, slamming my door and striding for the man cave. I wasn’t exactly dressed for riding, but I didn’t care, I just needed to go.

Throwing my keys on the workbench, I dumped my helmet on my head, kicked the stand up, and started walking her out into the sunlight. As soon as I was out in the open, I kicked her over and revved her up, ready to fly.

But just as I was about to open her up, Adam stepped in front of me, his mouth pressed into a hard line and his arms crossed over his chest. “Turn it off,” he barked.

I revved it again, not willing to back down.

He dropped his arms. “I said turn it off, Eli!”

I stared at him hard. He knew I was pissed. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone so I could ride it off?

His eyes flashed with fury before he reached forward and cut the engine. “Get off the fucking bike, Eli!”

Throwing my leg over, I ripped at the helmet and pulled it off, throwing it to the ground as I took a few steps away from the bike. I turned, ready to rip Adam a new asshole, but he was already putting the kickstand down and pointing for the cave.

“Get in the cave,” he growled.

My teeth clenched.

“I mean it, Eli. Don’t make me beat the fuck out of you. Get in the cave, now.”

Turning on my heels, I marched into the cave, striding toward the back, purely because I knew I needed to keep moving or something was going to get smashed.

As I turned back to the door, Adam tossed a couple of boxing gloves at me. “Put them on.”

He didn’t wait to see if I’d do as he told me. He just moved over to the punching bag and stood behind it, hands gripping and body braced. I didn’t speak as I yanked the gloves into place. It was something we’d all done since we were old enough to lose our tempers. I’d rarely had a need for it, but Adam, Isaac, and Noah had used it more times than I could count.

As I stalked toward the bag, I thought about everything that had happened since last night. Jess’s carefree behavior at the club, the way she’d tirelessly flirted with me, her matter-of-fact view of the whole situation, her disappointment in me, my disappointment in me, the fact that she was fucking used to coming second when she deserved to always come first, the fact that I wanted to put her first but I couldn’t do that without fucking up all my plans for my career.

Reaching the bag, I started laying into it, the punches coming hard and fast with no sign of them ever stopping. Anger coursed through me, rising victoriously like a fucking beast. It reveled in it, harnessing its energy and using it to beat me down. I gasped for breath, but I didn’t stop. My arms burned and sweat trailed down my face, but I still slammed into it. It was all my anger, all my frustrations, all my resentment.

After a while, I felt myself starting to break. Every muscle burned, my pulse was insanely out of control, and I was so ridiculously exhausted, I could hardly breathe. Leaving both hands resting against the bag, I dropped my forehead on top of them and tried to suck some oxygen into my lungs.

After a few minutes, Adam thrust a water bottle in front of my face and stepped back to watch me with wary eyes. “Now, talk.”

I shook my head, tossing the gloves onto the ground and gulping down some water. But I sat, and I tried to work out how to say what was wrong with me. “I fucked up,” is all I could come up with.

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