Page 17 of Don't Trust Him

Maybe one day.

Do you hear me? What kind of a fucking pussy am I? I should waste her, not sit here and plan our goddamn future.

She doesn’t trust me.

The words reverberate off my brain as she declares them.

How could she?

I can’t trust her…right?

I don’t know if I can love her.

Okay, that’s not true. I already know that I can. That’s why I’m in so much trouble right now.

Because I want to say yes way too damn eagerly.

Eliza bared her soul to me, so why don’t I do the same?

My voice finds the way to say things I have never said to anyone else. I’m not just telling her my story, I’m telling her things I’ve never even thought about telling anyone else...things I didn’t know that I had to tell. Eliza makes me tell her things I didn’t know about myself.

“I never knew my parents. Zario adopted me, and he first was teaching me to be a sicario and made me his enforcer but he saw use for me beyond just the hitman work…but this life is all I’ve ever known. I’ve never begrudged him for it, but some small part of me wonders what my life would have been without darkness enclosing it,” I say, the words spilling out of me like I’ve sliced open a vein, and in a way, I have.

I stop myself. I’ve said too much.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I wasn’t thinking. This must be the truth, but I had no idea I felt this way.

I am a sicario. I wash so much blood down the nicest hotels drains in the world. And during that time all I think about is the steak I’ll eat for dinner.

Nothing fucking scares me. Nothing intimidates me.

But this woman scares the shit out of me the way she could make me bare my own soul in ways I didn’t know I could.

Eliza cocks her head to the side. She’s not really acknowledging me freaking out even if she can see it. If I’m honest, I’m hopeful it is because I think she’s doing some freaking out of her own. I watch her small lips move to form words, to will sound to come out. “We’ll do this?” She asks lightly.

Her perfect mouth is begging for me to kiss it, but now is so not the time. I can tell I am going to lose my goddamn mind if I don’t taste Eliza soon. I’ll probably jerk my dick clear off thinking about her. This is insane.

I have never wanted any woman so much.

“Yeah,” I nod. I really feel like a fucking pussy because there’s so much more than I want to say, but this was all I could muster.

Her hand closes over mine, and I don’t realize that I’ve squeezed my eyes shut until I open my eyes and look up at her.

The sun is haloing around her and she looks like a fucking angel.

“I’ll fucking kill you with my bare hands if you pull anything. This isn’t trust, it’s an agreement for the time to get and test the formula, okay?”

Eliza definitely looks like an angel. One who gets my cock so hard it almost fucking hurts.

“Of course, baby,” I say, winking at her. “You can’t trust either of us,” I add.

“Either of us?”

“We’re not like people who see this as a job. Who have anything else. This is our lives, it is all of them. We sleep, breathe, and eat this world and it eats us. Which means we never met an opportunity we didn’t spread the legs of and lick all its juices up.” I pause my words and watch her breath catch in her throat.

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