Page 41 of The Librarian and the Rock Star

Me: I’ve decided to straighten out my workplace by laying down the law. No more fussing around trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings. There is work to do, it’s not personal.

Jack: Good for you! I’m so proud of you.

Me: You’re a good bad influence on me. :)

Over the next several hours, Jack and I had been texting voraciously. I found out that his mom was a bit of a hippie, and his dad passed away when he was seven. He was drawn to singing at a very young age, because you can sing things that are too raw to be spoken. He was a straight-A student, but never let his friends know for fear of being teased.

I told him about how average my home life was, how I had vague plans for adventure someday but wasn’t crystal clear on what I wanted yet, and how I actually thrived on routine and a steady stream of work projects.

I managed to do all of my work while also focused on our conversation, and completely lost track of the time. At ten past five, I walked around to see that everyone had left. But the place was spotless, and there were many sticky note reminders for themselves in the morning.

It was working already.

– TUESDAY –

23. Thumbs Flying

As everything at work settled down and straightened out, I found myself slacking for a few minutes here and there, finding more excuses to text with Jack.

Me: I have to admit, my thumbs have been getting a workout. I’ve never texted with anyone this much, ever.

Jack: Well, you said you haven’t had a boyfriend for quite a while.

Why did he have to go and use that word? I’m sure that he saw the three hovering dots before I responded.

Me: We can just be flirty friends, can’t we?

Jack: Don’t want to wreck this or upset your life, but I am incredibly drawn to you. I feel like I need you.

Me: The word ‘need’ is a bit of a problem. Don’t you think?

Jack: Maybe that’s another problem. I don’t think straight when I’m around you.

I wasn’t sure how to reply to that.

Jack: I have to run some errands, then drop by a rehearsal. Chat later?

Me: Sure. Have a great day!

Checking my email, progress was being made on nearly everything. I was so relieved. I had no idea what I would have done if my requests had been ignored. Clearing up some busywork, I realized that I was ahead of things. But I always wanted to look like I was busy, in case anyone popped in.

Convincing myself that researching a guy I have a huge crush on is gathering information, not stalking, I dug as far back as I could through every record until I found a photo of Jack with his first band.

Four cute boys in their late teens were gathered around an old fashioned boombox, snapping their fingers, looking very fifties retro, which was completely out of place for two thousand and ten or so. According to the bio, Nice Bad Boys were ‘newfangled classic rock’ and were fronted by the exciting new singer, Jack Albert.

By cross-referencing some old song titles, and using the internet’s Wayback Machine, I found out that Jack was cared for by his older sisters after his mom disappeared when he was fifteen. It sounded like she was an addict, with a penchant for constantly lying and manipulating. At least, that’s what I gleaned from his earliest, tormented lyrics.

Through his early twenties, he went through a few bands, and there always seemed to be a love in his life. Long term girlfriends, but apparently none worked out. This past year has been the only time he hasn’t had a plus one nearly everywhere he went.

Is Jack too needy? It looked like he thinks he needs a serious relationship to be productive and write music. I could understand him being terrified of being abandoned. Having a father die, then a mother take off must be a lot for a kid to take, especially someone so sensitive. But I couldn’t let him expect too much too fast.

On the other hand, I couldn’t deny the way I felt around him. It was such an alien concept to me – getting swept away in someone else’s energy. It’s never really happened to me before. Perhaps I’ve never clicked with anyone this deeply. But I sort of wanted to run along with him, going with the flow with little or no planning, free to let the wind take me wherever.

On the other, other hand, Jack didn’t seem like a total flake. He paid attention to little details like checking to see if I was wearing walking boots, and noticing that our server was working twice as hard as the other one. Those little details show you that someone cares about the world, and is concerned with being a good person. Our lives are filled with transitory minutiae, but being sympathetic to others is the mark of good moral character. He was a good man, who did good things. Being overly attached couldn’t be seen as a bad thing, if looked at logically.

Perhaps my warning bells were set on a hair trigger, and I should relax a little, even though relaxing has never been in my nature.

– WEDNESDAY –

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