Page 43 of The Librarian and the Rock Star

Jack: Are you okay?

Me

: Yes. Sometimes my hands shake when I think about you.

Me: Good grief. I can’t believe I just typed that.

Jack: I hope that’s good?

Me: You’re exciting. Fascinating. But you live far away, and it’s only been a week. I don’t know what else to say.

Jack: I’ll settle for fascinatingly exciting. :)

Me: Gotta get back to work. Chat soon.

Jack: Have a great day, beautiful. xoxo

My guts just did a flip as they read that. There was no way to deny it. I was falling for him hard and I was terrified. As always, I was tempted to go into research mode, and look into the psychological studies of love and why it terrifies some people. But I knew my basic issues were likely to blame.

I fear change, I fear letting other people influence and control my world in case something goes wrong. I also fear being vulnerable. Giving control of my life to anyone else turned my stomach.

Instead of dwelling on it, or making myself feel even jumpier, I grabbed my camera and took off for my lunch break. Instead of back alley graffiti, this time I went to a nearby parkette, and took photos of the flowering trees. The peach and pink blooms were so graceful, reaching for the sun without a care in the world. I tried to let their tranquility and peace wash through my mind, as I cropped and zoomed and composed.

I took one pic with my phone and sent it to Jack.

Me: See? No dirty rocker boys here!

Jack: Very pretty. Interesting angle. But the first thing you did was send your pretty flower to a rocker boy. See? You’re coming around.

Me: Cheeky.

Jack: Yes, but you like it.

Me: You think you know me already?

Jack: Yes. Hey, I’ll be untextable for several hours, so please don’t think I’m ignoring you.

Jack: Miss Librarian, is untextable a word?

Me: Poets and rock stars are allowed to manipulate language, so I’ll allow it. Have a great afternoon.

Rushing back to the office, I saw that lapsed projects and paperwork were still trickling in. At this rate, we might be caught up on the past year’s slacking in about a month. Was it too early to call this a Christmas Miracle? I laughed to myself, then realized that I instantly wanted to text that to Jack to make him laugh as well.

I’m doomed , I thought. Out of control.

Losing myself in organization for a while, I was able to clear both my head and my inbox. At this rate, I might actually be able to start real development of this place instead of just stopping it from falling behind. Not many libraries have gender diversity section, which was sorely needed. We could expand the art history section to make it truly special instead of the tiny embarrassment that it was. We could have a rock biography section.

Doomed , the voice in the back of my head laughed.

By the time the end of the day rolled around, I had completed my work, assigned schedules, responded to every staff email regarding their timelines, and sketched out my monthly reports. I left right on time, leaving Tina to shut down and lock up. I rarely did it because I didn’t really trust her, but I knew right now she’d be too terrified to make a mistake.

As I walked home, I thought about how much my world had changed in just a week. It all started when I took my first long lunch and put myself first. No, wait. It actually started when I told my tea that I wanted to challenge myself and break out of my shell.

Life couldn’t be that easy, but it was nice to feel that way for a few minutes.

25. Dinner Plans

I had just gotten home from work and dropped my purse on the coffee table when I heard my phone ring. Digging inside, I stabbed at the button before it stopped. “Hello?”

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