Page 76 of The Librarian and the Rock Star

“Ah. Gotcha. Not really. The lights will be focused outward. I mean, at the right angle, if somebody is really looking, they might see a shadow of the two of us sitting, but we’ll be blurry lumps to them.” She grinned. “The only people who will see us will be the band, their crew, and the lighting and monitor techs.”

When the openers finished, Kelly led me down a few hallways to the east end of the stage. “The guys do their pre-show hangout on the other side. I try not to disturb them. When the techs have the gear just right, it’ll be clear for us to sit down.”

I could see the band huddled on the far side of the stage, having a fairly intense discussion, punctuated by laughing fits. Several men in black T-shirts and jeans zipped around the stage, tuning guitars, adjusting mics to the perfect height, and taping cables out of the way so that nobody could trip. When they seemed finished, one of them set two folding chairs out and waved to Kelly. Thankfully she let me sit in the corner that was more shadowed.

It was neat to be right next to the monitor tech, who was in charge of the personal on-stage mixes for each band member, sent to either their in-ear monitors, or the relatively small black speakers along the front edge of the stage. She was a round-faced girl with a shaved head and a tattoo of a dragon up her arm, and gave us a little wave. I had recently learned that the monitor tech was also in touch with the head sound tech in the booth in the centre of the venue, who mixed the sound that went to the rest of the room.

Peering out toward the audience, we really did seem to be invisible to the crowd. I unclenched a tiny bit. The throbbing in my wrist came and went, but my fear of being on display was worse than any pain.

It seemed like the show would be starting any minute, and I saw Jack waving from the other side of the stage. I waved back and gave him a thumbs up. He blew me a kiss.

“See?” Kelly said, giggling. “He’s nuts for you. Let him be.”

It was at that moment that I realized she truly wanted what was best for Jack, and they were genuinely close. I was glad they were coworkers who were also friends.

The lights went down, and the surge of energy in the crowd was palpable. The band went to their positions in near darkness, and now I could see why there were bits of garish electric pink and green tape marking certain areas – it was so the band didn’t trip or bash into something in the dark, or when the lights were in their eyes. Clever.

Tate snapped his sticks together four times, and they blasted into a song as the lights came up along with a thunderous cheer. Jack’s grin was overwhelming his handsome face, as he poured his heart out to the people who adored him.

When they finished the first song, the applause was crazy. “Salut!” Jack called back to them. “Allo Montreal!” He waved wildly, then confessed, “I’m sorry that’s all the French I know, except for poutine, crepes, and menage–”

“Hey!” Marky cut him off. “You promised to keep that a secret.” The crowd howled with laughter as they started another tune.

Halfway through their set, during The Eyes in Her Stars, a stuffed toy landed on the stage. Jack picked it up, holding it up as if he were singing to the pink bunny for the rest of the song.

When the applause died down, he asked, “Who sent me a little friend?”

He leaned out over the front edge of the stage so that he could see who was yelling. “Come here, darlin’,” he said. She came running to the front, and he leaned over the security barrier to give her an awkward one armed hug. The look on her face was pure magic. Not only was her favorite musician aware of her existence, he actually took the time to say hello, in the middle of a concert, no less.

When he straightened up again, she ran back to her seat in tears, clutching her friend and bouncing. Jack held up the bunny, saying, “I have a new friend! But I’m going to put her away so that Noodle doesn’t spill beer on her.”

He darted to our side of the stage, placing the bunny in my hand and giving me a lightning fast kiss on the forehead before running back. “Who wants to hear a song about the man holding us down?”

“Yeah,” said Tate, twirling his drumsticks over his head. “Because that’s never been done in rock and roll before.”

They ripped into another tune while the crowd cheered, jumped, and sang along. I was staring at Jack like a starstruck fan girl, just like 6,253 other girls were at this moment. The way he moved, the way he sang, the way he completely let go – he was a lesson in freedom. Letting go and finding joy.

I’ve never had a force like this in my life. Something that doesn’t think before it acts. Something completely instinctual. Something bigger than life. It was terrifying and hypnotic. I finally truly understood how adrenaline could be addictive, and found myself screaming along with Kelly, applauding by slapping my thigh with my good hand..

Jack takes charge, he really cares about people. Could I stop being uptight and really let him care about me?

They finished a song, and Jack looked in my direction with an expression in his eyes I’d never seen before. It was something I’d only ever seen in the most intense romantic movies, never directed at me. Pure adoration.

He quickly turned away and cleared his throat, throwing a glance at each of the other band members as if getting permission as they each nodded. “I have a disclaimer to make about this next song, everyone,” Jack said. “It’s brand new. We threw it together a few hours ago, so it’s rough, but we’re all friends here, right?”

The crowd yelled enthusiastically, and the rest of the band seemed amazingly calm, for people about to play a song that might still be unpolished.

“Hey, did anybody get their photo taken with me last night out around Mont Royal?” There were screams and whoops from various places throughout the audience.

“Did you see the girl I was with? She likely took the pics for you.” There were a few screams, and a long wolf whistle that made Jack laugh.

“This song is for the girl who has stolen my heart, but now that she has it, she doesn’t quite know what she wants to do with it.”

Half of the crowd made a heartbroken, “Aww,” sound.

“I know, right? Maybe this song will help her make up her mind.” Jack gave me a tiny glance to make sure I was still there, but looked away quickly without meeting my eyes. His hands were shaking wildly. I’ve never seen them tremble while he was on stage. It was always the place where he was completely comfortable. From the way his jaw tightened, I got the impression that he was positively terrified there in the place where he had said he was most at home.

Tate counted in the song, and Noodle joined with the bass line, moody and deep. Marky started a few bars later, with an ambient, breezy melody that was positively dreamy.

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