Page 132 of Skin In the Game (The BlackWater)

“No.”

They exchanged glances and one of them stepped nearer, trying to be reassuring and she shook her head.

“No.”

“If you refuse treatment we won’t have any choice…” He said.

“I said no.” She yelled as the door banged open and he was there.

Cole.

She looked from them to him swallowing. He knew. She could see it. He fucking knew.

She shook her head, trying to control herself, trying to control her emotions but it did no good. The need was there, right there and it was taking over everything and making her sick.

The lead doctor said something to him and Cole nodded before looking back at her. She shook her head before he could speak.

“Maddie.” He said loudly, trying to take control and she yelled then.

“No. I’m not doing it. I won’t do it. I won’t let you.” She yelled looking from him to the bunch of other people crowding the room.

“Give us a minute.” He said to the medics and they left quickly, like they didn’t want to be there, like they didn’t want to be around her.

He walked over to her and she moved fast, pulling her legs up, pulling herself away from him. He frowned, unsure if she was scared of him because of what she’d been through or simply scared that he might somehow force the medicine into her.

“You have to take this medicine Maddie.” He said.

“No I don’t.”

He sighed looking at her. How had he missed this? How had he not seen it? It had been right in front of him this whole time and yet there had been no signs. No indications.

“You’re an addict.” He said and she shook her head again. He could see the tears then, not falling, not running down her cheeks but they were there in her eyes.

“I’m not. Not like that. It’s not what you think.” She said and he rolled his eyes.

“Then what is it?” He snapped, his anger suddenly back because none of it made sense.

“I haven’t. I didn’t…” She shut her eyes to try to block the emotions, try to somehow get some logic to her thoughts but also some courage because she knew she’d have to trust him now, to reveal a broken, fractured part of herself, and pray that he didn’t reject her.

“They did this to me. In the cave. It’s what they did to get me to talk.” She said quietly.

“What?” He said confused.

“Please just let me explain and then ask whatever questions you have and I swear to god I will answer them.”

He nodded but his face was still hard. His eyes still obviously showing he wasn’t believing her. That all he saw was a junkie. And a liar too.

“I’ve never done drugs, never done anything other than just alcohol. My mother was an addict, I know what that shit does and I would never have touched it, not after that but then that case happened. Ahmed Ali.” She wiped the tear that had somehow escaped and she stared back at the blanket covering her knees.

“…They knew we were coming. They were waiting for us. It was an ambush and then when they had us captured they started the torture. It was basic at first, sleep deprivation, mind games. It worked on some of the team but I was Blackops. I’d been specifically trained on how to cope under torture. So they switched tactics.”

She looked at him. He hadn’t taken his eyes from her and she couldn’t tell from the expression on his face if he believed her or not. She just had to keep going, keep speaking and hope it was enough.

“That stuff, what it does to you, that need it creates. It makes you dependent, it makes you care about nothing else but your next hit. That’s all your focus. All your concerns. That’s what they did to me, what they wanted me to be. They tried to manipulate me into giving information in return for more heroin.” She said.

“And did it work?” He asked and she swallowed.

“Sort of. I gave them information. Nothing of consequence but I did.” She said looking away then. She still felt the shame, still felt the guilt even though she knew she’d not really had a choice. Everyone talked eventually. Everyone broke. That was the unspoken truth about torture, it always worked in the end.

“So what happened?”

“Interpol sent in a team who bungled it. There was a shootout. Our guards went to shoot us and then themselves. I know two others of my team were still alive when they got us out but they didn’t make it.” She said.

“And then what?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Then I went cold turkey. It was the only way. I locked myself in a room and waited for all that shit, all the need too, for all of it to get out of my system.”

“Why did you stay at the Priory then?” He asked still looking like he wasn’t convinced.

She shrugged. “Homewell insisted on it. I was clean by then but they wanted proof which I gave them. It’s all there in my records.”

“I know, I saw it. Brandon pulled them.”

She sighed watching his face.

“Is that why you won’t have the medicine now?” He asked.

“That stuff is designed for addicts, real addicts. It brings you down slowly, but I’m not willing to do that. I don’t want to come down slowly. I don’t want to wean my body off it, I want it gone. I’ve never intentionally allowed that poison in me and I won’t start now. I want it out of me and I want to get my control back over myself.” She stated.

“What do you mean get control back over yourself?”

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