Page 133 of Skin In the Game (The BlackWater)

“That need, the hunger it creates in you is like some monster that takes over. It takes away all your control, it feeds on you. It makes you into a slave. I have to stop it. I have to cut it out and get back control and the only way I can do that is my way.”

“Is that why you’re so obsessed with control then?” He asked.

She gave him a slight smirk. “It’s part of it.”

“So when I took your control from you…”

“That’s different.” She cut across him. “It’s a different kind of control. Besides I’m choosing to give you it. You’re not actually taking it from me.”

He nodded and she felt like he got it, like he understood.

“Please don’t let them do it. Don’t let them put that stuff in me.” She said.

He narrowed his eyes giving her a hard look and she swallowed feeling suddenly alarmed, suddenly afraid of his reaction.

He walked out and she sat there wanting to get up, wanting to follow him and fight her corner but too scared now to do it.

She heard him talking, low, quietly with someone on the other side of the door and she clutched her chest, her heart was racing now, and the need was getting worse. It wouldn’t be so bad she thought if she knew that she had to deal with it but being stuck in limbo, waiting, not knowing if they would leave her to it was making it worse, was dragging out the torture.

Cole walked back in followed almost immediately by a nurse and her eyes flittered from one to the other. The nurse looked to Cole then moved to where her saline line was hanging.

“No.” Maddie yelled. They were doing it anyway, she thought. It hadn’t mattered what she’d said. It hadn’t mattered because he hadn’t listened, he hadn’t believed her, he was letting them drug her just the same.

“It’s okay.” Cole said and she shook her head.

“Please don’t let them do this.” She begged, hearing how pathetic she sounded, hearing how weak she sounded too. Fucking hell Maddie, she thought, because she’d fallen so low.

“It’s okay Maddie.” He said more forcefully and she went to lash out then, to push the nurse away but he stepped in front, holding her back.

“Stop. Listen to me.” He ordered and she shut her eyes, trying to shut him out even as he gripped her arms. “We’re doing this your way.” He said and she frowned looking at him in disbelief.

“What?” She gasped.

“We’re doing it your way.” He repeated and she gasped feeling the tears suddenly falling and she couldn’t tell if they were from relief that they were allowing her this or relief that he had believed her after all.

The nurse moved around, turning the machines off so that they no longer beeped but keeping them on all the same. She left the saline drip in too and then she left.

Maddie looked back at Cole. Her heart was thumping louder than ever and she shivered slightly.

“Here.” He said pulling the blankets up over her.

“It’s not from cold.” She said quietly, embarrassed. The withdrawal was kicking in fast now. The need was there like a monster growing inside her.

He frowned before kicking his shoes off and pulling a chair up right beside her bed.

“What…?” She began but she fell silent not sure what to say.

“We’ll do this together.” He said. He could see her whole body shaking now and he hoped to god she was right about this.

She woke in the middle of the night, sweating, shaking, knowing she was about to vomit, she got out of the bed quickly and knocked over the drip stand as she ran over to the sink to puke.

Cole was there, picking it up and rubbing her back and if anything it made it worse, because he could see her like this, in this state. She looked away and he frowned. She didn’t want him to see her, she didn’t want anyone to see her like this and part of her was tempted to ask him to leave, to shut herself away, like before, to ride it out alone, ride out not only the withdrawal but the shame, the humiliation of it.

“Let’s get you back into bed.” He said quietly and she nodded letting him but shutting her eyes all the same. She was shaking again, more violently than before and he practically had to lift her into the bed.

He pulled the covers over and she started shaking even more violently and he thought her teeth might shatter.

“Maddie?” He asked but she didn’t respond. Something about it, something about the way she was told him he needed to get a doctor and he ran out of the room yelling.

The medic ran in checking her vitals, checking her pupils, and shaking his head.

“This is why we don’t do it this way.” He said and Cole could hear the edge to his voice.

“Can you give her anything?” Cole asked.

“Yes, methadone.” He replied and Cole narrowed his eyes.

“Anything else?” Cole asked and the medic actually huffed.

“I can give something to calm the seizures but if she gets any worse we won’t have a choice.”

“Fine.” Cole muttered.

A nurse came in and administered the drug and Cole watched as Maddie stopped shaking, stopped convulsing. Suddenly she looked like she was sleeping.

He sighed pulling his phone out and messaging Brandon an update.

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