Page 160 of Skin In the Game (The BlackWater)

She sat there, in Becky’s front room, on her couch holding a hot mug of tea and trying to get her head around what the hell she was doing.

She was a mess she realised, an actual mess.

What did Cole even think of her? She could see the look on his face, it kept replaying in her head like a bad movie. He was probably relieved she was gone, relieved that she had walked away so he didn’t have to kick her out.

“Want some biscuits with that?” Becky asked and she nodded but she hadn’t really heard the words, or at least not fully taken them in.

Becky disappeared and came back in a few seconds later and handed her an unopened pack of chocolate digestives. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t think I can.” Maddie muttered.

“It can’t be that bad.” Becky said.

“She’s gonna sleep on your couch Becs, it can’t be good either.” Aidan said and Becky threw him a look.

“That’s not helping.” Becky pointed out.

“Fine, I’ll make myself scarce.” He muttered getting up and walking out the room.

Maddie put the mug down on the coffee table and shoved her face in her hands.

“I think I might have royally fucked up.” She said quietly, really quietly.

“What did you do?” Becky asked.

“I did what I always do.” Maddie replied.

“So how did you fuck up?

“Because that’s me. That’s what I do. I’m not capable of a normal, functional relationship. I’m not capable of maintaining anything longer than a few months.” Maddie stated.

“No offense but that sounds like a load of bullshit.” Becky replied.

“No it’s not, I literally have had my head stuck in the sand about this because I thought it was just sex when it clearly wasn’t and I just didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to admit it.” Maddie said.

“It’s obviously been more than just sex Maddie.”

Maddie sighed then. “Apparently I was the last one to actually see that.”

“So what happened?” Becky asked.

“Urgh, I don’t even want to say.” Maddie said.

“Maddie, you know you can trust me right?”

“Yeah I know it’s just, nothing in my life is simple, nothing is easy.” Maddie replied.

“But what you and Cole had seemed pretty easy to me.”

Maddie laughed then because what they had was anything but easy, it was more twisted, more complicated than all the other shit in her life combined.

“Look, if you like him and he likes you then whatever the issue is you can work it out.” Becky said.

Maddie sighed again. “No it’s not something you can just work out. It’s not something that can be fixed.”

“Why what’s he done?” Becky asked.

“It’s not him. It’s me. I’m broken, like really broken Becs.” Maddie stated.

Becky shook her head. “I know you have issues Maddie but seriously…”

“It’s true. What he wants I can’t give him. I’m not capable of it.”

“I think you might be overthinking it.” Becky said gently.

“I’m not.” Maddie replied sinking back into the couch. “I know I’m not.”

---