CHAPTER 29
SKYLAR
Kennedy looks freaking spectacular in her wedding dress. I’d known all the way back at paint night when I saw the photos of the strapless number with the fluffy tulle skirt that it was going to be a stunner. And it is. Of course, it helps that the bride is glowing and gorgeous, too. From my perch on a chair in the corner, I let my eyes wander over the wedding party. The bridesmaids each wear a different dress style in varying shades of blue. It’ll make for some amazing photographs because Kennedy has the prettiest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.
I’m also glad the bride requested that I wear a blue dress, too, because even though I’m not technically a member of the wedding party, I’m responsible for Sailor, and I wouldn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb if I have to help her down the aisle more than I did at the rehearsal.
Speaking of the sweetheart, Sailor dances around in her pretty white dress—a mini version of Kennedy’s, only with straps. She’s having such a good time running around in that dress, I’m half-afraid she’s going to fall down and break her other arm on my watch. But she looks so freaking cute and excited, I can’t bear to curb the behavior.
At least Sailor distracts me a tiny bit from the mess in my head. There have been so many warning signs that Matt simply isn’t ready to move on with his life, but again and again, I’d tell myself that it was okay. That it would take some time. That someday maybe he could feel for me what I feel for him.
But at this point, I need to back off for my own mental health. My head knows this is the right thing to do, but my body and heart aren’t in agreement. I close my eyes, remembering the passion that had exploded between the two of us once he joined me in my bed the other night. It’d been a hard day, and now that I’m looking back on it, I wonder if he was simply in need of comfort… if I could have been any warm body.
The thought makes me want to vomit. Every touch had bound me to him. Every kiss had made me melt. Every dirty word he’d spoken had set me on fire. Every moment—every single one—will live on in my head for the rest of my life. I thought I was finally his.
Matt will always have a past. The cold, hard truth is that I’m the third girl in his life. Terri and Sailor have always been in his heart. I’m not trying to take anyone’s place. But damn, I wish there was room for me, too.
I reach up to carefully pat at the braids I’d put in around the crown of my head—another ploy at distracting myself—so I wouldn’t have to worry about my hair being a complete frizzy mess around my face today. Then when I arrived earlier this morning, Kennedy begged me to do Sailor’s the same, so I had. I’m a tiny bit worried that Matt will see it and not like that our hair is done the same way. But she looks so stinkin’ cute because we’ve tucked flowers into hers. I hate that I’ve had to question something so simple as helping his daughter with her hair.
Laney sits down on a chair near me and smooths the skirt of her dress over her legs. “I wanted to tell you that you look pretty today. I love your hair up like that.”
“Thanks. It’s pretty simple to do. I could show you sometime.”
“That’d be cool. I’m surprised I’m not better at stuff like that, but it’s never been my thing.” Laney is totally babbling. She’s obviously not over here to talk about hair.
I shrug, wondering where this is going, but also fairly certain I already have an idea. “You just need some practice. Like I said, I can show you.” I watch Sailor as she runs over to Lucy, who picks her up and swings her around. The room fills with their laughter.
Beside me, though, Laney fidgets, then finally lets out a huff. “So, believe it or not, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I give her a somewhat amused eye roll. “Really? Never would have guessed that.”
“Your sarcasm game is strong today.” Laney wrinkles her nose. “Sorry. I guess I’m the concerned friend. You’ve been awfully quiet, and Logan wouldn’t say exactly what he and Matt talked about last night.”
Trying to hold my feelings in check, I bite my lip, then immediately regret it, knowing I’ll have to fix my lipstick. “You know, I think once we’re past the wedding festivities, things might be clearer. I’m sure today isn’t the easiest for Matt.”
“Right. Even before there was anything between the two of you, we figured today would be hard on him. I keep thinking about how he must feel to be the first of the siblings married, but now he’s the only one left single.”
I close my eyes and nod. “I know.”
“He’s been different lately, though, Skylar. He smiles more, laughs more. And you damn well know that’s your doing. There was a time when I thought we’d lose him after Terri died, that he’d never pull out of this funk he’s been in. Because even though Sailor is a source of joy for him, she’s also a tiny reminder of what could have been.” She hesitates when my face falls. “I know things have been rough lately—”
I let out a hard breath, cutting her off. “Laney, I’m Team Matt. Always have been. I want to see him and Sailor happy and thriving as much as anyone. But at what point do I admit that maybe it’s not going to happen with us? Maybe I’m not who he needs—or wants.”