Page 54 of Meant to Be

CHAPTER 13

Joe

By the time Cate and I had sex for the first time, I knew I was going to fall in love with her. Our chemistry wasthatgood. Then again, maybe the sex was incredible because I already had developed such strong feelings for her. Like a “chicken and egg type” thing. Who knows which it was, but over the next few weeks, I became addicted to her. She was so damngorgeous,but it was much more than that. I loved her air of mystery, and the way she was willing to call me out on my bullshit. I loved the way she was so strong one minute—and quietly vulnerable the next. I loved the way she looked at me and how she touched me and the sound of her voice and the way she laughed and the smell of her skin. Not only her perfume, but her actualskin,especially after we really went at it and she started to sweat. She drove me crazy. Like a drug I couldn’t get enough of. Even in the satiated aftermath of sex, when I would have rolled away from other women, secretly wishing I could just snap my fingers and be alone, I found myself wantingmoreof Cate. Holding her in my arms and stroking her hair, I’d ask what she was thinking.

“Nothing,” she’d usually murmur, my go-to answer in the past when I got the same question.

“You have to be thinkingsomething,” I’d say.

It was something I’d been told in the past, which I now understood as a statement of mild frustration. At that point, Cate would normally shush me or ignore me. The not knowing was a little unsettling. At the same time, the mystery of what was going on in that beautiful head of hers drew me in more.

Meanwhile, she insisted that we keep our relationship a secret—though she didn’t call it a relationship, or label it at all. She refused to go out in public together, except for one time when I convinced her to meet me in the very back corner of a movie theater so we could see an indie film my old buddy Charlie Vance had produced. We ended up missing a good bit of the second half when she decided to go down on me. Afterward, she got herself together and whispered goodbye.

“You’re leaving? Before it’s over?”

“You can tell me what happens,” she whispered. “It’s too risky to leave together.”

As if it hadn’t been risky to wrap her lips around my dick.

“Okay,” I said, knowing that she made the rules. “Can I see you later? Please?”

She shook her head and said, “Let’s quit while we’re ahead. I have a gut feeling that the paparazzi will be waiting for you.”

I nodded, because I actually had the same feeling; I just didn’t care. But Cate did, so that was that. It was unprecedented. Most girlswantedto be seen with me, and with them, it had usually felt like a test I had to pass. In other words: did I like them enough to go public with the relationship? That was always the question. I think even Margaret, who loathed the press and the spotlight, at times felt that the media validated us.

But Cate didn’t need validation—from me or anyone else. I let our loose status quo ride for another few weeks, biding my time, then tentatively brought it up again.

“Have you told anyone you’re seeing me?” I asked, as we sat on my sofa eating Chinese delivery and drinking Sapporos that she’d picked up from the bodega near my house.

Without looking at me, she shrugged, as if I hadn’t just asked her a yes-or-no question.

I laughed and said, “Well?”

“I may have mentioned it to Elna,” she said.

“Youmayhave?”

“Yeah. I sorta had to,” she said. “She asked who I’d been hanging out with, and why I always came home in the middle of the night…so…yeah…I told her it was you….” Her voice trailed off.

“And? What did she say?”

“Not much,” Cate said, shrugging again. “But she agreed that I shouldn’t get busted being seen with you.”

“And why’s that, exactly?” I said, staring at her profile.

She put her chopsticks down and looked back at me. “Because I don’t want or need that kind of drama. I know you’re used to it, but I’m not.”

I nodded, feeling a little hurt. She was basically telling me that I wasn’t worth the trouble. “So…let me ask you a question….”

She made her usual mmm-hmmm sound, like she was amenable, but a little bored.

“If you liked me more, would I be worth the drama?”

Cate smirked, glanced my way, and said, “Maybe.”

“Damn,” I said, pretending to pout.

“Oh, poor baby. Did I hurt your feelings?” she said teasingly.

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