Page 52 of Denial

"Why you're distant sometimes. Why you both pull her in then push her away. She needed to know it wasn't her fault."

"So, you decided you should have a conversation, about me, without me being included in it?"

"I asked," I try to intervene, but neither of them seems to hear me.

"You had no fucking right," Ezekiel growls out.

"I had every right. We're all in this relationship."

"What relationship?" Ezekiel barks and I wince at his voice rising just as much as the pain his words strike in me.

What relationship?

My heart feels like it's sinking right now, wondering if I fell in love after all this time only to end up right where I never wanted to be, anyway. My mind feels like it's mocking me, asking if I truly thought what I felt would last. And my body is beginning to tremble with the onslaught from both.

"There's me, you, and her, doing exactly what we said we were gonna do from the moment this all started," Ezekiel continues, each word like a shard of glass cutting me.

"Are you really gonna sit there and act like you're not just as invested in this as we are?"

Ezekiel shakes his head and turns to look out the window. I watch his reflection in the window, trying to convince myself he doesn't mean any of it. That it's just the pain talking, but that falls short when I'm in pain as well right now. I'm in pain, and I couldn't imagine hurling the words at Ezekiel that he has thrown at me just now. Then, his reflection becomes obscured with the raindrops that begin falling. It feels fitting, for it to begin raining right now, for the sound of the rain falling on the top of the car to break up the strained silence filling the car.

"She's not...her. It's not fair for you to treat her like she is," Jeremiah says.

"Yeah, well, I didn't think our ex was the way she was either. And look how that turned out."

Jeremiah's eyes come to me in the rearview mirror, but I look away.

"Lex—" he begins, but I cut him off.

"I'm fine," I grit out.

"God fucking damn it, Ezekiel," Jeremiah hisses.

I see Ezekiel's shoulders slump, but he doesn't say a word.

None of us do for the hour it takes to get to my street. I spent the time staring at the rain, trying my very best not to cry. It was barely working. Because all I could think about was how I'd brought this on myself. Hadn't Ezekiel made it very clear from the beginning that he wasn't interested in feelings? Hadn't I, but I'd gone against my own instincts, my own warnings within myself, my own mind telling me what I had with them could never be more than anything physical. I'd let Jeremiah's words in the shower make me forget about Ezekiel's words. I'd allowed my heart to overtake my mind. I'd done what I swore I never would and loved. Now, I'm loving and hurting. Now, I'm wondering what I did to make Ezekiel see me the same way he did their ex. Now, I want to rage while I cry because I knew better.

I. Knew. Better.

The car begins to slow down as we pull in front of my apartment and I open the door before Jeremiah even completely stops.

"Lexa, wait!" Jeremiah shouts behind me.

With Jeremiah and Ezekiel's bag, there wasn't room for mine in the rental car's trunk. I'm grateful for that now as I just reach back into the backseat to grab the handle of my luggage. I roll it behind me as I quickly walk up the pathway. I hear a door open and close behind me though, as I desperately try to get the correct key ready. My shaky hand makes that a hard task.

"Lexa, please," Jeremiah pleads behind me.

Of course, it would be Jeremiah who came after me. Not the man who just tore my heart to shreds. I reach my door and see his shadow moments before he's beside me.

"Lexa, let me explain."

"Explain what?" I ask, wanting it to be strong but it comes out hoarse.

I hate the way his brows furrow as he reaches for me. I can't allow him to touch me though. Not when I know his touch would make me crumble.

"Just...just give him a little while to realize how wrong he is."

"And I'm supposed to just keeping fucking a man who basically just said he'll never see me as anything more than a pussy to bury himself in?"

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