Page 48 of Collision

“Matty, please.” I claw at his fingers as his face swims out of view. “I can’t - I can’t breathe.”

“You’re killing me, Mikaela.” He cries as he pulls me back and slams me into the wall again. My eyes roll back in their sockets and my chest burns. “You’re killing me!”

Present

Iflinchasthedoor opens.

He doesn’t step in.

“Mik?”

My cries rip through me as I hold myself together. I have no doubt he heard me wailing from the room next door.

I know I’m breaking.

I’m falling apart and I can’t breathe.

Why can’t I breathe?

My chest is heavy and light all at once. I feel sick. Really sick. Like the contents of my stomach are about to come up and I’m going to pass out all at once kind of sick.

“I can’t - I can’t.” I gasp for breath as I try to get to my feet. My knees shake before they give out and I fall back into the scalding water.

And then I’m not alone.

Ben

Within an instant I’m by her side, ripping the towel from the rail and wrapping it around her, still in the tub.

Once she’s covered I lift her, ignoring the splashing of water against the tiles and the way my clothes now stick to my skin as she wraps her arms around my neck. I carry her to her bed, placing her down gently and pulling away.

My imagination is killing me. She is lost in a panic and as she sits shaking, wrapped in a sopping wet towel, my mind is weaving intricate stories of how she ended up sitting before me, bruised and breaking, and the whole room is tainted red.

“Please,” she whispers, her eyes meeting mine. Beneath the surface of the green is a flicker of something so fragile and so fearful that, for a moment, I feel a tear opening in my chest.

My breathing stills.

She stares up at me with so much pain and sadness, and I feel a pang of guilt in my gut. She doesn’t need anger. She doesn’t need to see my pain.

“What do you need, Mikaela?” I crouch in front of her, my eyes never leaving hers, even as her towel slips and she moves to lay down. My fingers move quickly, pulling the sheet up over her, covering her, as I throw the wet towel to the side.

“Hold me?”

I stop moving and swallow hard.

Her eyes are locked on mine; forest green burning with something dark and twisted and desperate. “Please?”

“Mik. I-” I’m leaning with my elbows on the edge of her bed as I place my head in my hands.I want to comfort her, to let her seek safety in my arms and make her feel better, but I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t. I can’t hold her like this, with the pain of another man’s hands bruising her and the echo of Jamie’s one rule rattling in my brain.Her own wordsrattling in my brain. “I don’t think you really want that.”

Mikaela

I shift so that I’m sitting up slightly and watch his conflict write itself over his face. I can see he’s torn as he looks away from me, our kiss is probably a twisting regret in some dark corner of his mind now that he’s seen how broken I am, and I know it’s wrong. I know it’s selfish to want this from him right now, but I need someone to be soft with me.

I needhimto be soft with me.

“Please.” I place my fingers against his, pulling his hand away from his face. “I want you to hold me.”

His eyes are tear soaked and I glance away from him, ready for the swell of pain that is going to come with his refusal.

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