Page 69 of Save You

Chapter 26

Xander

“Dude, it’s half three in the morning,” Bodhi’s dulcet tone of voice floats across the space between us. “Do you wanna a blanket or something?”

I’m currently collapsed on the sand with my head leaning up against the chair I was sat on. I’m lost in the sparks and crackles of the flames before me. It’s pretty uncomfortable, but right now, I’m numb through grief and booze. It won’t really register until tomorrow, when it will feel like I physically and mentally want to die.

“Nah, just leave me here,” I slur as I wave at him to go. I hear him chuckle sadly before giving up on trying to move me altogether. Eventually, he gets up and meanders back to his makeshift house.

Now I am alone, left to sing our last song together.

“Juliet…”I sing quietly toward the water, too inebriated to be angry, and too sad to be anything but lost in the darkness. That shit will hit me full pelt tomorrow morning, but for now, I can live in a drunk, buzzed-up bubble, where I can pretend that none of my self-destructive thoughts exist.

“Xander, what are you doing, baby?” Beth asks as she lies next to me, her head resting on my chest and her long, blonde locks falling over my abdomen. I place my hand over her head and smile while I take an inhale of her scent of coconut shampoo and vanilla hand cream.

“I’m singing to you, baby; don’t I sound good?” I grin when she giggles, and I feel myself getting hard over the delicious sound of it.

“You always sound good to me,” she lies, “but I wouldn’t give up your day job!”

“Why’d you leave me, Beth; why’d you go?”

I turn serious, now feeling irrationally annoyed at her for making me say goodbye. She lifts her head to look at me, showing me her beautiful face for the first time in over a month, when I had left her to go and see Casey. Her eyes are wide and lost in a glazy state of sorrow and regret.

“Stay with me, baby, stay with me and be mine and Rosie’s!”

“I can’t, Xander,” she whispers as she runs her hand through my stubble, which I lean into as I wipe away her tears with my thumb. “Butyouhave to be here for her.Youhave to be what I can’t be. Will you promise me?” I start to cry with her, and she takes me in her arms, where she cradles my head against her softness. “Shh, I’ll always be with you, Xander!”

“No, you won’t. I can’t do this without you!” I cry, my body shuddering with uncontrollable grief as it pours out of me. “Stay!”

“I love you,” she whispers, before I look down to see that she’s no longer there.

“I love you, Beth! Stay!”

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