Page 60 of Merciless

“Not like this.”

“Try me.”

Stubborn don’t even cover it with her.

That challenging glint lights her eyes that I know all too well. Means she ain’t prepared to back down. She never is. Normally, I’d be all for that. But nothing that’s happened since we came back into contact is normal—well, what passes as normal for two screwed-up people like us.

I step back up to her and exert pressure on her side.

She hisses and shoves me back, then doubles over in clear pain.

“You needed proof that we gotta hold off, there it is, Charlotte.”

She curses me out under her breath.

“Go sit the hell down, woman. Cut this bullshit.”

I reach out to help her, but she bats my hand away and makes her way back over to the couch. “You’re all about spoiling the fun lately, aren’t you?” she mutters as she eases herself back onto the couch, the relief on her face obvious.

Once again, I sidestep her attempt to provoke me.

“You don’t gotta pretend with me, Char,” I tell her as I take a seat on the opposite couch. Right now, some distance is a must. I’m right on the edge after that, and it’s taking a lot just to hold it at bay, until I can calm down. I snatch the bottle of Jack off the end of the coffee table and take a long swig.

“To survive, there’s always pretense.”

My gaze snaps to hers. “Thought I was always the exception.”

“I don’t know what you are anymore,” she tells me with a heavy sigh as she rests her head back against the couch.

“What’s that mean?”

“So much time has passed, Cal. So much distance between us.” She runs her fingers through her hair, her distress clear, even as she tries so hard to hide it. “I always had this fantasy. It’s a ridiculous thing for somebody like me living the life I do. But it wouldn’t leave me, nevertheless.” She meets my gaze. “It was that you and me would meet again, that we’d get the chance we were never given before. That we’d—”

“Come back to each other,” I finish for her.

“Yeah.” She smiles, but it’s bittersweet. “And we did meet again, but so far it’s been nothing like that stupid fantasy of mine. Nothing is right. Nothing is clicking. Sin wasn’t just blowing smoke earlier on. You really don’t trust me, do you?”

“Char, I—”

“I spared your life! Even though I didn’t agree with it, I allowed myself to be sequestered in your safehouse! I’m risking my own life through all of this by going against the Gatekeepers! I’m threatening my career, something I’ve spent years of blood and sweat building. All for you! Through all of that, you still can’t give me your trust!”

Damn. This, from her, is beyond unprecedented. Wanting something from me is. Asking for it directly is even a whole other level.

She tries to get to her feet, struggling.

I can’t let it be.

I can’t let my pride and fear come between us again.

Ax’s words to me earlier are haunting me. They won’t let go. They don’t just wanna be heard, they wanna be acknowledged.

“This is your last shot. You and her? This is it now.”

“Stop, all right? Relax back down and give me a second to explain.”

She does as I ask and a second later her eyes are burning with intensity as they snap to mine, threatening to scorch me to ash right where I stand.

My voice comes out way rougher and strained than I want, as I force the words out, “I don’t trust me.”

---