Page 22 of The Bartered Soul

My eyes flicker to the nail where the cat-of-nine-tails still hangs. The sting of saltwater in bloody wounds is memorable enough to make me grit my teeth, even years later. I don’t confide that it was these very docks I was taken from. Or that my home was only a few hours north of here on horseback. Or that the Captain and Quartermaster who beat me felt the bite of that same cat plenty of times before I ended them. Crewes would have welcomed her choice of punishment if he knew what I had in mind for him before she took her vengeance.

“When the opportunity for desertion was presented, I took it and went on the account. I sailed upon a pirate’s vessel for a year before they returned to the port near my home. By that time, Blackwell’s men had been through the village. I told you my mother was a believer in the Goddess. When I made it home, when I found her, they had…” The words stick in my throat, and I squeeze my eyes tightly at the memory of what I found. My mother and brother-in-law had been left to the scavengers.

Andromeda’s breath catches before she whispers, ”I know what they did…”

She rolled to her side facing me while I spoke, and now tears fall from her dark blue eyes as they meet mine. My tears are barely contained as she trembles from her own memories.

“My brother-in-law was killed defending my mother. Thankfully, my sister had already fled with their small daughter before the soldiers arrived. I found her in one of the Houses in a nearby town, making money the only way she knew how. She’s lucky she had a place to go where she trusted the proprietor.” My voice is barely above a whisper, the memories washing over me as I recount those horrible days.

“I’m sorry.” She reaches out to stroke my cheek. We lay facing one other, and I can’t keep myself from leaning into her soft touch, placing my hand over hers. I have wanted to touch her gently like this all those nights in the House of Starlight.

“I am, too. I didn’t know you would react to this town as you did.” I had my suspicions, but assumed she wouldn’t be honest with me if I asked outright. But, now I know. Her next words confirm it.

“I…” she begins hesitantly. “I didn’t know we were coming here. But, I knew where we were as soon as we arrived in the bay. The temple… where I studied… where I worshiped… my home… is gone.” She stumbles over the words, her low voice cracking from the pain of seeing the destruction outside the port. Her eyes leave my face for a moment, glancing in the direction of the new cathedral before she continues.

“We heard the rumors of the King’s men coming to root out the heresy of the temples, but we thought the Goddess would protect us. The night they came, I… I fled. They knocked down the doors, setting everything ablaze to force us out. I hurriedly grabbed a few items in my room and stole through the secret exits before they reached the interior. I didn’t stay to help my sisters. I didn’t look back. I ran like a coward as they murdered them.”

She pauses, taking another steadying breath before continuing, “One of the elder priestesses was in the alley by the apothecary today. I was trying to help her when the soldier spoke to me. I was so afraid he would take me. That’s why I ran. I was so consumed by my fear that I couldn't think straight. I did it again. I just ran.”

A sob escapes her, and sorrow is written in every line of her face. Grief from years past falls on the pillow and feather bed below. My heart breaks for her as I pull her against my chest, wrapping her in comfort. She tenses briefly before melting against me, and I press my cheek against her soft sable hair.

I had followed her to the apothecary’s shop so I could make sure she was safe, but slipped across the street to Madame Serena’s to remain unseen. Apparently, I wasn’t as stealthy as I had planned based on her earlier words about the brothel. When she left the shop, I trailed her again. I had seen the soldier and the beggar woman, but hadn’t connected them to her flight.

I understand her guilt — her regret. I carry the same burdens.

How many nights had I reviewed it in my head? If I had fought harder, or been stronger on those docks, I could have escaped. I could have saved my mother and brother-in-law. But I know I am only one man; I would have likely ended up dead alongside them.

“You couldn’t have stopped them any more than I could have, Andromeda.”

“Nerissa,” she breathes against my chest.

“What?” I pull back to study her face.

“My name isn’t Andromeda. That's who I became at the House of Starlight,” she whispers. “My real name is Nerissa.” A secret truth.

“Nerissa,” I repeat it like a prayer and run my thumb over her full lower lip. She has given me this; I can offer a truth in return.

“Then please, when we are in private, call me Billy.”

No one, except those who know me intimately, refers to me by the nickname my mother and sister knew me as, and I can see her eyes crinkle with amusement at the boyhood name. It holds none of the notoriety I possess as Captain Lennox.

“Well, Billy,” she tests the name, “any other deep secrets you’d like to share?”

“Oh, I have many secrets,” I lean forward and quickly press a kiss on her rosy lips. “None of which I will be sharing today.”

If she only knew all the secrets that swirl behind the eyes staring back at her, she would run from these quarters. I smile at her, squeezing her in my arms briefly, then gently release her. Standing from the bed to retrieve my shed clothing, the scars on my back are fully visible to her now. I wait for her to gasp or recoil, but when I glance over my shoulder, her full lips are taut as she inspects them. Anger flashes over her pretty face, but she blinks it away as quickly as it came. It’s obvious to anyone familiar with the lash that I was beaten often. Often enough to shred my skin and leave thick scars. I spent most of the time I learned to sail in pain or fevered, biding my time.

“I think it’s time we get underway,” I announce, drawing her eyes up to my face.

Her gaze lingers for a moment as I fasten my pants, then quickly brushes over my chest and stomach as I pull my shirt on. She is quick with her looks, but I watch her inspect the tattoos across my chest and arms before they’re fully covered again. I pull on my boots and coat, and catch her still watching me from the corner of her eye, earning a smirk at her admiration.

I am aware that most women find me physically attractive, even if they fear the stories that precede me. I’ve never had trouble finding a partner, but none of them have ever been who I truly want.

I only want her.

She stands gracefully, gathering her underskirt and dress. It pleases me that the flush on her pale skin is my doing. If I watch her for too much longer, though, I might strip her back out of her garments, and we will never leave the docks. As she pulls her dress over her pink skin she starts, “Your hair…”

I freeze.

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