Page 74 of Beyond the Faerie Gate

I chew at my lower lip, deliberating. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

Kitarni nods. “Just so. If I bring in a jug of water, will you bless it? That way, my priests can offer blessings to appease those who’ve been waiting.”

“All I have to do is say it’s blessed?”

The high priestess gives me a sideways glance, her eyebrows raised. “It shouldn’t be hard. Just follow your instincts. Besides, Sir Jaromir said you already blessed a brownie in Iondell.”

“That was an accident!”

“Hmmm.”

She crosses to the door and opens it just long enough to talk to someone on the other side. When it opens farther and Drystan enters, I look at her in confusion.

What does he want? I would’ve expected to see Jaro, or maybe Lore. Not the Guard who can barely tolerate my presence. He doesn’t approach, merely leans against the wall inside the door as Kitarni returns to perch on the bed.

“The priests will bring us the water,” she says. “Now. About the magic you used… I need you to describe, in detail, what happened.”

I bite my lip and glance again at Drystan. As usual, he’s not looking at me, and I bite my lip at his standoffish behaviour. It would be easier to talk to literally any of my other males.

“I’ve told him everything,” Kitarni says in a gentle tone. “He’s here because I have a suspicion, and if I’m right, he’s something of an expert in the field.”

I frown, wondering what fire and the ability to lose his head—literally—have to do with my three guides.

But the memory of the destruction I caused worries me. What would have happened if I lost control while I was still in the burning building with my púca? I have to learn to control this, and if Drystan the asshole can help…

“Where do you want me to start?”

Kitarni pats my knee. “When did you first feel the Goddess?”

I think back, trying to discern a moment. “I don’t think there was a specific point. I think she was angry from the moment I woke up and realised my Guard had almost died. I just… couldn’t separate it from my own rage… I hate sickbed voices. That’s how they all spoke, back in the village. Because I was always fainting and delicate, and I just… I just can’t stand it.”

I expect Drystan to make some noise, or scoff at that, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

Instead, Kitarni prompts me to continue. “How did you know he’d almost died? We hadn’t covered that part of your bonds yet in your lessons.”

She knows. I can tell she does. But she wants me to admit to it in front of Drystan. A sigh works its way free of my mouth, and I bite my lip as I consider it. At this point, what use is there in hiding it from them any longer? At worst, I’m crazed and hallucinating, but I don’t believe that. This is something else. If Drystan can explain it, what harm is there in telling him?

“Because Maeve and Mab told me.”

The silence that falls between us is swift and absolute. The dryad looks over my head towards Drystan, a serious glint in her eyes. Eventually, she refocuses on me.

“And then?”

“I sent Titania to keep watch over him, then followed our bond until I got there. Maeve told me to reach for my connection to Danu. After that, things got a bit blurry. I could feel them, which never happens. Normally, if I try to touch them, my hands go right through. That’s why I always agreed with my parents when they told me they were hallucinations.”

“And when they touched you, you used those powers?”

My head hurts as I try to remember it, but the feeling of hands on my shoulders is hard to forget. “Yes. Mab first, when I used the lightning, then Maeve, when I—” I cut off as it sinks in fully.

I killed someone, and it was easy. I still don’t feel conflicted about it at all.

That’s wrong, right? I should feel regret. Surely a decent person would show remorse… Now I feel worse about not feeling anything than I do about killing her.

Kitarni’s rough fingers frame my face, drawing my gaze up until I meet her eyes with my own.

“You were protecting your mate. It is normal to feel no remorse. In fact, most fae would be proud. Don’t shame yourself for your feelings, or lack of them.”

For the first time since entering the room, Drystan speaks. “Are they in the room now?”

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